THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED AND DESTINY
by origami bird
Summary: Athrun wanted Shinn to make peace with Cagalli, but will both of them 'survives' Cagalli's dinner?
1. Crazy Driven Athrun

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Crazy Driven Athrun**

Based On: Gundam Seed Destiny Ep. 8

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

The sun is almost setting. Athrun Zala drives his car at 90km/h. For the first 10 minutes after he managed to get out from the hell of writing reports. Sure, he is just a bodyguard, but the reports he made are usually rejected by that purple haired asshole, Yuuna Roma Seiran. _Even his name is weird. Why do royalties need such a weird name?_

The car is now at 110km/h. And increasing. He needed a way to release his tension, and speed is one of his ways of doing so. Usually he releases his tension of work by stealing a moment or two with Cagalli, but today she had to attend a dinner with that asshole. The more Athrun thought about it, the more angered (and annoyed) he gets. And the harder he presses the gas…

Until a very very long honk of a car stops him. And the very familiar light of blue and red.

_Shit, the cops!_

_Okay, calm down Zala. That's what you do best. You are not a fool to be scared by the mere sign of a cop…_

Slowly, Athrun presses the brake and stops. As he waits for the cops to show, he tries to put on his usual boyish grin and relaxes, but his hands are already sweating as he grips the wheel hard.

"Good evening sir"

"Good evening"

"Sir, do you know that you just drove 150km/h? The maximum speed is 90km/h"

"Oh, really?"

"May I see you license, sir?"

"Umm, yeah, just a sec…" _Where's my wallet…_

The cop waited patiently. Athrun fumbles through his black jacket first. Then his trousers' pocket. Then the compartment of his car. Under the seat next, and finally in his briefcase.

"Sir, may I see your license, please?"

"Uhh, I think I may have left it at my office. Look, could you do me a favour and spare me. I'm kinda late for an appointment and uh… Look, I work for Cagalli Yula Attha OK so spare me for the day?"

"…"

"Please" He pleaded as he puts up his apologetic smile.

"Sir, could you get out of the car now?"

"Look, I'm not drunk, OK, so…"

"Sir, if you worked with Cagalli-sama, then I work with the King of Scandinavia. Step out of the vehicle, please"

_Shit._

"WHAT!" Kira Yamato almost screams into the phone receiver. The children who were eating were shocked that their Kira-neesan is screaming. Kira doesn't scream. Even Lacus were slightly disturbed.

"Look, I can't call Cagalli since he's with that purple junk, OK? I had only one phone call, so please help me out of here?"

"…"

"I beg you?"

"…"

"Kira?"

Kira puts the receiver down. Then went to the table acting as nothing as happened. Since the children were too afraid to ask, it was Lacus who did the job.

"Who called?"

"Just Athrun. He's apparently drunk again. Saying something about getting himself in jail or something"

Author's note: In episode 8, after that incredibly sexy scene of Athrun taking a shower is a scene of him driving towards the orphanage. Notice how incredibly fast, and dangerous he drove the car…


	2. The Singing Pilot

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**The Singing Pilot**

Based On: Keroro Gunso's Ending Theme ('Let's Learn How to Draw...')

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them. Also applied to Keroro Gunso.

Dearka Elthman was sitting in his quarter in Archangel browsing the internet when the door buzzed. Slightly annoyed, he proceeds to open the door…only to reveal a Mu La Flaga.

"Hey old man. No offence but why are you standing in front of my room?"

"I need to borrow your shower. And I am not an old man!"

"Why?"

"My shower just broke this morning. And none of the mechanics had the time to deal with it"

"Shouldn't you call the plumber instead?"

"Mechs, plumbers…they are the same. The shower?"

"Couldn't you go somewhere else? Like the captain's quarter's or something? It's not like your relationship with her a big secret"

"That's why I needed to borrow your shower, you damn fool. I have a date with her in less than an hour"

"And your point is…?"

"I have a date. What part of that do you not understand?"

"Who is foolish enough to have a date right now? In a fucking ship, that is!"

"Look, just give me 5 minutes, and I'm out of here. I know that there's no place private enough for a date…"

"Except her room"

"…Okay…And your room is the nearest to mine so will you let me?"

"…Just make it fast"

"Great. I owe you, man" As Mu enters the shower cubicle, Dearka went back to check upon his email. _Hmm, 17 from mom… 12 from Yzak…Later._

_- KuRuKuRuKuRu… Are you ready yet?-_

_Hmm, who's Sally? Let's open this._

_- KuRuKuRu…Learn how to draw Kururu song! -_

**Msg from Sally to TaNNeD PLaYBoY: lstn 2 diz…very xiting!**

_- My headphones are the best -_

_Hmm, have to download this first… Stupid Flaga, singing while showering, how could I listen…My headphones… Ah, finished! Ah, file cannot be rendered! Asshole!_

_- Let's change the background after this (Kukuku) -_

_Damn…Flaga's getting loud. Where's my headphone? The table's full of shit, need to clear up after this._

_- The CD on the right has dangerous data -_

_Arrgh Flaga, knock yourself out, will ya? Your voice stinks. Needed something to reduce the 'noise'…_ Dearka picked up a CD and inserted it into his computer. Browsed the CD for a moment.

_- The CD on the left has a hidden movie -_

_Hmm, what's this? A hidden folder? Winamp formatting? Movie? Porn?!_

_- (Want to see it?) -_

_Hmm, maybe later. _

_- I can read any kind of data -_

_Next email… Dyana? Who's Dyana? I thought I went out with just 1 woman before this war starts?_

**Msg from Dyana to TaNNeD PLaYBoY: hey, till next time, okay? you were the best **

**XXX DYANA XXX**

Dearka grins as he remembers then the girl called Dyana. He met her in a club during one of his days as a cadet. He remembers flirting her; even going to her place after that. But it was a one night stand. And he never sees her again. Not because she nor hot or anything, but his motto as a playboy was 'Just flings and sex. Then leave her'.

_- Worthless -_

_That's life as a playboy._

_- I only care about you when I want to -_

_Sorry, Dyana. _

_- (Don't talk to me randomly) -_

_Yep, I missed my days. Flings and one night stands._

_- (He really goes at his own pace) -_

_Until her, that is._

_- I'm very hard to get along with -_

_I wondered why she couldn't get along with me._

_- I've been naughty ever since I was little -_

_Well, maybe I was a little wild back then, but the war changed me a lot. Killing other people, losing friends and family, betrayal…_

_- I'm still naughty even after growing up (KuKu) -_

_Well, then again, maybe that life isn't so bad after all_

_- I fear honest and pure people the most -_

_Well, she's kinda naïve, but she's also nice, and honest, which makes me afraid a little to go on… she'd just lost her boyfriend, after all. Ah well. Slow and steady, I guess._ Dearka then proceeds to his remaining emails.

_- You should be careful of annoying email -_

_Hmm, spams, ads…nothing but junks here_.

_- I'll secretly laugh at you when I walk by -_

_Hmm, what's this? From: Catamineyra…Subject: ZAFT's sex pixs. Wow, I wonder_ _who_…Dearka then presses the button to open the unknown mail…

_- Come, you spiral like viruses -_

…Only to have the virus alert onscreen.

_Arrgh, arrgh, virus! Virus!_

_- My personality is dark. Who cares what you think -_

_Virus! Shit, I knew that email is fishy! What to do, what to do?_

_- Sergeant Major Kururu, complete! -_

In mere seconds, Dearka's personal computer…crashed. In terms of computer language, that is.

_NO!!!!!!!!!_

"Hey, what's going on?" Mu has already finishes his shower when he heard Dearka's scream.

"You…! Get out! And don't sing that song again!" He pushes Mu out from the room before he had time to put on his boots and locks his door.

_Hmm, I wonder what's wrong with him_

Author's note: The song is the ending theme of Keroro Gunso (Kururu). You should check it out because it's so damn funny. My roommate is slightly disturbed by Kururu; until I let her hears Takehito's voice in Destiny. Imagine her shock the first time she heard it…

PS – Apart from Takehito as a transsexual in Ouran, his role as the perverted frog scares me a lot! And that song almost cost me my test!


	3. Candid Camera

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Candid Camera**

Based On: Lunamaria Hawke's skirt

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

"The answer is no, Yolant" Shinn Asuka was just finishing his can of iced coffee when his friends, Yolant Kent and Vino Dupre came to him and proposed the stupidest 'favour' of all.

"Come on, Shinn. I know that you wants to" Vino pleaded. His eyes are as big as plate, and he tries to do a male version of a puppy look.

"You know, that look is even stupider than your request. Do some other damn work"

"Look, Shinn. I know that you don't want to do this. But trust me, this is one very special thing to us, and…"

"Trying to capture a girl's panties is special?"

"Hey, were men. Don't tell me you don't have desires for girls" Yolant retorted.

"Yeah, don't tell me you have fallen for Rey…"

"Hey, I'm still a guy, okay? And I am definitely not a gay! Just because he's my roommate doesn't mean that we have something…"

"He said it. He said it…" Both fools said in unison.

"Hey, I am not a gay!"

"Really?"

"Really! And he's not a gay. I've seen him surfing porn websites many time"

"Really? Are you sure it's not gay websites?" Yolant asked.

"Or did you surf together?" Vino asked.

"HEY!"

"Okay, you're normal. So help us?"

"You wanted me to help you capture a girl's panties…"

"Yes" Both fools said again in unison.

"I am not doing that! Especially when it involves Luna!"

"Come on. Don't tell me you have feelings for her. Or that you were already took a glimpse of her panties. After all, you were with her the whole time"

"No idiot. Why would I do that?" Shinn asked.

"Because you're a guy" Vino hurriedly said.

"Because you're still a teenager despite the fact that you're a pilot"

"Because our pheromone level is at maximum level"

"Because her skirt is do damn short…"

"I get your point" Shinn retorts back.

"Look, just get Lunamaria to the deck. We've set a trap there. When it's all set, she will fall into the trap, falls down, and reveals her lacy panties!"

"…"

"Easy huh?"

"You mean, I take to the deck, and you guys put some mysteriously there banana peel, then she 'accidentally' falls down, and reveal to you perverts her underwear?"

"Something like that"

"No" _This is sick. I'm outta here._

"Oh, come on Shinn" Vino pleaded; holding his hand and prevents him from leaving.

"No. You go find someone else to do this dirty job. I don't want to have any part in this"

"PUH-LESE!" Yolant takes his other hand, making him immobile.

"Urrgh, let go of me, you damn perverts!"

"PLEASE!" Again, both fools said in unison. It sounds creepy…and annoying.

"NO!"

Vino and Yolant held his hands too hard that Shinn's almost fall. He tried desperately to release himself from those two. As he struggles, Vino had an 'excellent' idea in his mind.

"Shinn if you do not help us, I will tell the whole ship that you and Rey ARE an item"

"WHAT!"

"You know my mouth. Once it's opened, you're dead. Your dignity as an elite pilot shattered to pieces as everyone will know that Shinn Asuka is gay"

"…"

"What do you say? Help us or lose your dignity"

"…."

"What do you want to talk about?" Lunamaria Hawke asked Shinn as they walked to the deck. It is late and almost the entire crew is sleeping. Lunamaria was maintaining her ZAKU when Shinn came and wanted to talk to her about something. Since she was already tired, but haven't finishes her work, she decided to take a break, and 'talk' with Shinn.

"Umm, nothing really. Just that you looked tired, that's all"

"Hmm"

"What?"

"You usually kept to yourself. Never wanted to bond with me when we were at the academy"

"Well, it's just that…"

"Are you gay?"

"WHAT? No. Why do you say so?"

"Well, because you always spend time with Rey, that is"

_What is this? Just spending too much time with your best friend could be labelled as a GAY? I don't get it…_

"No, I'm not"

"Huh, that's good" Lunamaria lets a relieved breath.

"Why?"

"Nothing"

As Lunamaria and Shinn talked, the perverted fools, Vino and Yolant are already on standby mode, preparing themselves for an image of a lifetime.

_Five more steps…_

"You know, you shouldn't wear such a short skirt"

_Four more steps…_

"Why? I've made special requests for this"

_Three more steps…_

"Who knows? Maybe some perverted asshole wanted a glimpse of your panties?"

_Two…_

"That's funny, Shinn. Who is pervert enough to do such thing these days?"

_One._

_NOW!_

Shinn knew what is coming, but because he wanted to save his dignity, not to mention, his secret thought of ALSO wanting to take a glimpse of Luna's underwear prevents him from stopping Luna; and the perverted two.

Yolant and Vino were at the entrance of the deck when a rope was stretched out just as Luna walks in. Yolant tied the rope to a pole while holding the other end; Vino prepared himself with a camera in his hand.

Lunamaria saw the rope but it was too late. As suspected, she falls down. What she didn't, is a camera flash straight to her lower body. Horror and shock are the only emotions filling the whole area.

"WHAT!" Vino screeches. A baffled Yolant wonders why, but he also screeched the same word as he saw what Vino saw first. An embarrassed Shinn also beginning to wonder, as he went closer to a fallen Lunamaria…

…Only to discover a boxer wearing Luna. He too screeched the same word.

"Ouch. What the hell… Vino! And Yolant too! What are you too doing? Trying to take a glimpse at my panties?" An angered Lunamaria asked the two fools as she stands up.

Both fools, and the unwillingly ally are still gaping. They couldn't utter a word. They had no words to describe the situation now. There is only one thing that they could think off in that situation. _Plan backfired. Run._

"Onee-chan, what is going on? I've just ran past Shinn, Vino and Yolant when I saw those hand prints of their faces. It seems that someone was really mad at them" Lunamaria's sister, Meyrin asked her in their quarter.

"Oh, SOMEONE is really mad at them. I'm just relieved that I wore boxers today"

"But Nee-chan, you wore boxers today because you ran out of panties. And what does that had anything to do with Shinn?"

"Oh, nothing. Just nothing"

Author's Note: Lunamaria's skirt is so damn short!


	4. The Case of Missing Cake

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**The Case of Missing Cake**

Based On: SEED Club Comics, Saiyuki's Son Goku

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them. Saiyuki belongs to … I'm not sure, Backgammon? And Minekura Kazuya

* * *

Time: 7:30am

Location: Kitchen, Zala Mansion, previously known as Attha Mansion

Mana is putting the last touches to the cake. The cake made especially for Cagalli's congratulation's party looked heavenly; chocolate cake with pure high-quality Ghana chocolate, laced with fresh homemade whipped crème and just-picked-from-garden strawberries.

_Cagalli-sama would have loved this_, Mana thought. As she finishes with the cake, Mana then left the kitchen to supervise the whole household for the party.

* * *

Time: 7:40am

Location: Still the kitchen

The figure walks slowly to the cake. Although there is no one in the kitchen this present time, he still took some extra precaution. Luckily, his soldier reflexes are still useful and not rusty. Carefully, he took the cake, looks around, and left. As he opens the door, the smirk he's been putting on turns into a ridiculously hyena-sounded laugh.

* * *

Time: 7:45am

Location: The garden, Zala Mansion

Mana heard the laugh; along with some 20 maids, gardeners and other personnel in the garden. At first she thought it was Cagalli, angered by her decision (along with Athrun) to host the party. But then, the laugh is too manly to be hers. Then she thought it was Athrun, but then, Athrun was not around the compound as the newly appointed representative is busy handling paperwork at the Defence Ministry and only will be back before the party starts.

"Now who could that be?" Mana said as she went to the source of the laugh. As it turns out, the laughter came from the kitchen. _Hmm, whoever is laughing couldn't go off far, I wondered what he is laughing about…_

…And this time, a gasp, before a very long, shrieking scream could be heard around the compound, louder than the laughter before.

* * *

Time: 8:11am

Location: The scene of crime

"I am telling you, the cake was there, I've left it for just a couple of minutes and now it's gone" Mana cried in Athrun's arm, who happens to be just arriving when he heard Mana's scream. Tired and hungry, all Athrun wanted was just a glass of water and a little nap when one of the maids came and asked him to calm her. With a sigh, Athrun went to the kitchen, and tried to asked her to calm down and talk, only to be silenced with her incoherent words of 'Cagalli's cake', 'My special present' and 'The babies are really looking forward to this'. _Babies?_

"Mana look, I'm sure it's there, somewhere. No one would be stupid enough to steal a cake" Athrun said, in attempt to calm the mother figure of Cagalli. In his mind really, all he wanted to do is sleep, but Mana's arms around his neck is tightening, and his mind kept thinking about the word 'babies' Mana uttered. _How does she know that it's going to be twins? Cagalli's just got pregnant for about 6 weeks_, he thought.

"But it was a LARGE cake, with frosting and all. Cagalli would be very disappointed"

"About what?" Cagalli, with her messy looks and still clad in pyjamas enters the kitchen, hoping to get a glass of milk and a piece of fresh croissant, along with what food she could get when she heard Mana's sobs. Although the maids tried to tell her what has happened, but Cagalli's mood swings could hit at any moment possible; which actually caused the maid to back off and shuts her mouth instead. Once, she throws a very expensive porcelain tea set when her tea she made for her husband (or the truth, husband-to-be) tasted like shit (Cagalli mistakenly puts salt instead of sugar). There is at least 3 times where Athrun actually slept at the other room, because she plainly told him she hated him and wanted him to go to hell and the food she consumed, could be fed for 3 more persons. And she is just 6 weeks pregnant. Who knows what would happen in the next 8 months?

"Cagalli, dear. Would you be kindly enough to calm your dear caretaker? She's like this for about 30 minutes, I guess" Athrun pleaded.

"Hmm, about what?" Cagalli asked as she put some butter onto her croissant and eats it.

"Well, she have made a special cake for your congratulation's party, and now the cake is gone" As Athrun said the word "GONE" Mana's sobs turns into a cry, again.

"Now, now Mana, I'm sure the person who took the cake must've still been here somewhere. Let's look for him and bash him in the head" Cagalli said, while munching a vanilla frosting donut, yesterday bought.

"Huh, how do you know that it's a HE? And how do you know that if HE stole the cake, that person would still be here? And how come that you aren't worry? The babies really would love my cake"

"Hush now Mana, I don't know who stole the cake so I'm using general prefixes and calling that person who stole your cake HE. Or HIM" _Babies? I'm gonna get double mini Athrun?_

"Yeah, HE must've been here somewhere. Everyone, let's look for him, shall we. And Cagalli, please dress up. You're lucky that the entire household is used to seeing you like this. Remember that you have a party to attend…" Athrun said; he really is tired holding Mana like that, his uniform is crumpled and wet form her tears, and his legs are almost entering it's sleeping mode.

"Huh? What party?"

"The congratulating party. You know, the one where you will announce that you are pregnant"

"Wait, shouldn't we hold an engagement party instead of a baby announcing? And why should I go to that party. This is all your idea. You attend that party yourself!!" Cagalli is now entering Mood Swing Mode; a more dangerous mode than a SEED Mode.

"Well, because your brother haven't approve of me marrying you yet due to his lack of trust in me taking care of you. Kira is sometimes so plain annoying like he used to be. And this is your party; YOU are the one that is pregnant. I'm just following the plan Mana planned. And although I'm taking YOUR responsibility little by little, you really shouldn't BLOW your own party" Now Athrun is also entering Mood Swing Mode; maybe expected parents do experience such a weird emotion. Either the angry expected mother became more and more angry, or the calm-in-certain-situation expected father became more and more angry, matching his wife's. Pity the Zala Mansion household, previously known as the Athha mansion, for having such a perfect-for-each-other master and mistress.

"WHAT!! Why should I do that? Even if I am now a bottomless pit for food, I am eating for your babies! And how could I finish a large cake with frostings and all in a mere minute?! Maybe the one who stole that cake is you!!"

"Now see here. I never said anything about YOU eating the cake. But then you've said it yourself, maybe you did STOLE and ATE the cake!! After all, you are the one that is pregnant!!" Athrun yelled, releasing Mana, who've sat down on the nearest chair, and continued crying.

"Listen here, mister. I didn't get pregnant by myself. It takes two to tango, and you are also responsible. If I STOLE and ATE the cake, I would've said it!! I was after all my cake. Poor my babies…"

"Your babies? That's my babies too!!"

"I'm the one carrying it, Mr. Pink GUNDAM!!"

"Oh yeah? Well you are a bottomless pit for a food. You'll get FAT by the end of the month, Mrs. Anger Management!!"

"Two timer!!"

"Tomboy!!"

"Cheater!! Liar!!"

"Dress hater lying princess!!"

"Asshole fool!!"

"Arrogant woman!!"

"Mr. Fast-in-bed!!"

"Ah, so I'm bad in bed? So who is the one that is moaning and screaming my name every night?!"

"Last night you begged me to tie you up on the bedpost and asked me to dance only in my underwear and bra!"

"Hell Cagalli, you were the one that said 'Faster', "Deeper" every time I fucked you!!"

"So what if you were that good? You were that damn good I wondered if you have been experimenting with other woman. A red head, I wonder…"

"Now see here Cagalli, I never slept with other woman than you. I am a very honest, and a very loyal man. I would never betray my own wife!!"

"Fiancé!! We are not married yet"

"That's because your brother wouldn't allowed it. The only thing he allowed is to change this house's name from yours to mine!!"

"Do not involve my little brother in this!! And I am the one that allowed this house name to be turned into your name!!"

"He's your older brother"

"No!"

"Yes!!"

"Shut up, womanizer!!"

"You shut up, tomboyish princess!!"

As the two 'lovebirds' arguing towards each other, unwillingly telling off secrets including the ones that involves their daily sexual life, Mana's cry is getting louder over a missing cake, drowned by the arguing couple. The maids, who are nearby, could only stay quiet, each of them desperately trying to erase their fantasy image of Athrun Zala being tied to a bedpost. The gardeners and other household who are in the garden are still doing their job, knowing that the party will go on despite the fact that the host and hostess are arguing. Most of them know that in the coming months, their master and mistress will get more and more troublesome, due to their Mood Swing Mode. The cake is gone, the couple are arguing, and the party must go on.

* * *

Time: 8:35am

Location: Kira Yamato's room

"It's so damn loud downstairs. I wonder what's going on…" Kira mumbles, as he ate a piece of chocolate cake with pure high-quality Ghana chocolate, laced with fresh homemade whipped crème and just-picked-from-garden strawberries.

Author's note: In case you're wondering, Son Goku and Kira Yamato have the same seiyuu, Seichirou Hoshi (he's so cute, with that cute voice; too bad, he's so short). And the SEED Club comics do parodies this; making Kira eats a lot until he's fats!

PS – I hoped that they never fight like this…


	5. Seconds

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Seconds**

Based On: Gundam Seed Featuring Suit CD – Drama 5

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

The fearsome hot-headed commander walked along the corridor. His next in command, the cool arrogant major walks behind him. The commander face is a shade of rage, his anger turning his face red, in contrast with his silver hair. The blond tanned major puts on his 'very cool', 'I'm the handsome man' face as they arrived at the commander's quarters.

The first word that the commander said as soon as the door is closed is SHIT.

"SHIT!!" Yzak Jule screams inside the small room. If Dearka Elthman isn't his best friend, together with him since their days at the academy, if excluding the times when Dearka defected from ZAFT, he would have shot the man in cold blood.

"Now what's going on? Don't tell me you were having a fight with Shiho again?" Dearka asked. In other cases, if any other officer asked the silver haired rage machine, he would have been transferred in 24 hours time. But since it was Dearka, Yzak could actually barks like a mad dog and Dearka would really still be alive, maybe a little deaf.

"Arrgh! I am not having another fight with my fiancé! This has nothing to do with her!" Yzak practically answered Dearka in a very loud voice. In actuality, yelled.

"Then, what's wrong? You've been like this since this morning, no one would dare to talk to you because they were afraid they would lose off their head once they're finished talking" Dearka said; referring to the reports that is send to him instead of being send straight to Yzak himself.

"You wanted to know what's wrong? This" Yzak said as he tosses the official letter, with the ORB emblem on it. Dearka opens it, and reads the perfume scented card, aloud:

_You are invited to the wedding of _

_Athrun Zala_

_&_

_Cagalli Yula Attha_

****"This is your source of anger?" Dearka chuckles as he shoves the card back into its envelope. _This'd never last._

"Yes, this is my primary source of anger – Athrun Zala's marriage with the princess of Orb. The late reports those people sends in alongside with yours is my secondary source of anger" Yzak answers affirmatively.

"Why?"

"Don't you see? He's marrying the love of his life! And I'm stuck with a comrade for a fiancé!!"

"Just that? You know Yzak, you really need to fix on you rage. You couldn't just really go into your angry mode for no reasons at all" Dearka said, chewing a piece of apple gum.

"Well, I am born with a very short temper and lack of patience, plus I really hated Zala for no reason. Screw me for this; I don't care"

"You know, I wondered how Shiho could manage your rage. I swear if you guys get married soon enough, your children would be pitied for the rest of their lives. You're lucky Shiho is willing to marry such an angry bastard such as you"

"You idiot! Shiho and I aren't in love! We got engaged because of parental agreement! If I could, I would've killed my own mother!"

"Really? Then what's that noise coming from this very room last night? And the nights before that?"

"That is none of your business. And speaking of interfering in other people's life, you should tend to yours first"

"Hey, were talking about your love life, not your sex life" Dearka retorts.

"Shu…SHUT UP!!" Yzak's face is now a redder shade of red, not because of rage, but because of embarrassment.

Dearka couldn't hold off his laughter anymore. For as long as he knew his best friend, Yzak could actually make unintentionally jokes. His laughter fills the room, making Yzak turn from an embarrass man to an angry man; again.

"What's so funny, Elthman?!"

"Nothing, it's just that, you never changes, Yzak" Dearka said, as he calms down from his laughter.

"Never changes? What do you mean, Elthman? I am a changed man"

"Example?"  
Yzak took a very good 5 minutes, thinking a brief list of his 'changes' as Dearka waits patiently. As predicted by Dearka, being the man that knows him the longest, Yzak slowly said the word, so softly as if it's a whisper. But being a man with such a 'loud' voice, his whisper is no more than his normal tone.

"I'm sorry, what is it?" Dearka asked again. This is one man that really doesn't know when he enters a lion's den.

"I'm engaged" Yzak said again. In a whisper that could not be classified as a whisper.

"Again, Yzak. Your everyday yelling has practically caused my permanent ear damages"

"I'M ENGAGED!! HAPPY!!" Yzak yelled. Even in a closed door, several officers that were walking by that room really could hear the commander yelled. It's amazing how his voice could actually penetrate the thick wall.

"Well than, that's that. At least you are almost reaching to Athrun"

"What do you mean?" Yzak's eyes twitches. Until today, Yzak couldn't accept the fact that he is always compared with Athrun. _Why not compare him with Yamato instead?_

"Well, to starts things off, his now-dead father is a ZAFT chairman while your mother is just a council member" Dearka said, with a slight hint of sarcasm.

"That was 5 years ago. His father is dead. My mother is taking care some orphan children and I am now a council member"

"Well, Mr. Councilman. I'll be more than happy to tell you that when Athrun marries Cagalli, he will indeed become THE representative of Orb, which is like…say, Chairman of PLANT?"

_Hit one._

"Well… I'm still a councilman. And I am in charge of defence which makes me control the whole ZAFT army"

"Well that's right. But since Kira is the high command of ZAFT, wouldn't that make him superior to you? And to think that Athrun has the executive command to the Orb army, since he is also the supreme general of Orb. That's really like…Kira himself" Dearka sure knows how to flick Yzak's angry switch.

_Hit two._

"Well…screw that. He's marrying the princess of Orb. We're talking about princess tomboy here. I wonder how he would survive her rage" Yzak tried his last resort. He is really sure that using Athrun's girl would give him an upper hand.

"Now that's sure is interesting. Since you also have a 'princess tomboy' look-alike as your fiancé, although her temper couldn't really matches Cagalli's. But then, you are really one lucky bastard, you know?"

"Why?" Yzak's face is now turning more and redder; trying desperately to contain his anger. If Yzak could, he would want to lock Dearka in an emergency pod, and releases it out into the space.

"Because, Athrun doesn't just have princess tomboy; he also used to have a bouncy songstress, a miniskirt pilot and a childish officer. This makes him, a womanizer. And all he has to do is stand in one place. You, my friend however, are involved in a relationship based on you mother and her father's agreement. That is really…'ancient' of you, Yzak"

_Three hits combo!_

This time, Yzak doesn't care. He does not care if Dearka Elthman is his best friend. Yzak practically shoves Dearka, before trying to give him a punch in the face. Since Dearka's soldier reflexes are still good, and since angry man would always missed his target, Dearka avoid Yzak's coming fist, running out to the door. Yzak, missing Dearka by a mere inch, could only scream, throwing whatever things he could get on his table. The nearby officers that saw the hot-headed commander just seconds before the door closes swore that the commander screamed a fairly amount of foul words in minimum 4 languages. None of them have the guts to see the commander for the rest of the day, including his 'beloved' fiancé, Shiho.

Dearka, meanwhile, saved from Yzak's anger for the moment laughs ceremoniously as he ran to his own quarter, knowing that making Yzak mad is really entertaining by intentionally placing the 'dated last week' card on his table.

Author's note: I really love the manga where Dearka practically (intentionally is more the word) tell Yzak that he was second to Athrun and only Athrun. Poor Yzak.

PS – OMG! OMG! In my last fic, I stated that Saiyuki belonged to Backgammon. Stupid me. That is Minekura Kazuya's art book; Pierrot actually owns it. Gomenasai!


	6. Blue Pink Purple

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Blue + Pink Purple**

Based On: Gundam Seed Featuring Suit CD – Drama 3 & Gundam Seed Destiny ep. … I forgot. But it's that episode with Meer and Athrun on the same bed.

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

Athrun couldn't open his eyes. His head hurts a lot; he doesn't remember a thing he did last night; and there is someone else on his bed. Slowly, he wakes up and tries to open up his eyes. After he got his visions back, he then saw the dent on the bed. Stunned for a good minute, he carefully pulls the sheet…

… Only to reveal Meer Campbell.

"Arggh!!" Athrun screams as he fells down. Meer, who was asleep, wakes up and looked at Athrun, who is really wearing his boxers only.

"Meer! What the hell? Didn't I tell you not to come here again?"Athrun asked; as much as he's angry with Meer, he quickly blushes when he realizes that he's only wearing a garment that hides his private parts. Pulling his red ZAFT trousers, Meer puts on her smile as she pulls the sheet to cover herself up.

"Dear, are you okay? You must've forgotten again about your whereabouts. Heine-san was kind enough to send you home after all that drinking. You know, you shouldn't drink when you know that you couldn't handle alcohol"

Athrun, who were trying to pull the zip desperately as fast as he can, actually stopped. _This is weird. She called me dear, cover herself up and smiles just like Lacus. I'm pretty sure that's not Lacus, since her breasts are so large…_ Trying to erase the last thought, Athrun shook his head and continued zipping his pants. Meer is already putting her robe, hiding her long, white nightgown from his eyes.

"Umm, Meer, what are doing here? Why are you calling me 'dear' and where am I?" As soon as Athrun asked his questions like bullets being fired, Meer smiles and laughs. No, not laughing like some crazy woman but laughs just as delicately as a noblewoman would. It looks almost like Lacus'. In fact, he's not so sure if it's really Lacus or Meer that he's talking right now.

"Oh, silly you. You're in your own home, sweetheart. That alcohol must've damaged some of your brain cells. And this is my home too, remember? And I've never called you 'Athrun' since we've gotten married"

_Married?_

Athrun panics. _No, this couldn't be! How can I marry such a crazy person! She thinks she's Lacus, I'm sure of it. She really thinks that she's Lacus, that she'd put her acting into the next level. No way! This must've been a dream!! _As many thoughts entered his mind, Athrun quickly pulls a t-shirt, not bothering that the t-shirt is orange in colour, with the word 'stupid' on it. As soon as he's done, a pair of hands encircled him from behind, causing him to hold his breath; not just because of shock, but also because of two very soft domes pressed on his back.

"Dear? Are you okay? You seemed tensed. Here, let me try and fix that up" Meer tried to massage his temples, but Athrun quickly shoves her hands and took 2 steps backwards. Meer, seemingly shocked by this, pulls her hands away and started rubbing her ring. _Ring? She's really married? To me?_

"Athrun, dear. I know that you are seemingly distant from me nowadays. That's okay, things like this happened to married couple"

"No, it's not that. Do you…Are you…Are we…" Athrun tried, really, but his brain couldn't really process anything.

"Yes dear, we are married; one and a half year to be exact. And since then, I've stopped singing and tried to become a good wife to you. Ah, it's such a good feeling to be known as Mrs. Athrun Zala. And since we've gotten ourselves a beautiful baby boy, things have never been the same. It's just perfect…" Meer said, dreamily.

_Married? Children?_

"Meer, look. I know that you wanted to be Lacus so much and you wanted to be my…lover too. But really, you are not Lacus, you are Meer. And even if you really think that you are Lacus, let me tell you that you are supposed to be in love with Kira. Not me, okay? And to tell you the truth, I'm in love with a certain princess. Blond, to be exact. And tomboy too. Not a pink princess, and especially not with a pink princess wannabe!"

"Yes dear, you've said those words the first time I told you that I loved you. But then, Cagalli of Orb chooses her duty instead, and you left her. And yes, the real Lacus-sama is with one Kira Yamato. And then you've met me by chance, and we soon ended up married. And I've accepted the facts that I am Meer and not Lacus-sama. But then, plastic surgery is dangerous to be done according to the doctors that I've decided to put on this face instead. Lacus-sama didn't mind and so did you. All this happened two years ago, don't you remembered?" Meer asked; she is really worried about Athrun's condition.

"NO, I DO NOT!!" Athrun practically screams, which scares Meer a lot. She is really stunned with Athrun's words and she had a tear in her eyes. Athrun however didn't say anything afterwards and kept himself at his present spot; until he heard the sound of a baby's crying.

"What's that?"

"It's just Patrick, our son. He's just got born 3 months ago. Don't tell me you forgot"

_I didn't forgot, I never even knew I'm a father. Hell, I only did it with a condom on. And only with Cagalli!_

Meer, who was trying not to cry, walks up to the crib next to the bed. She then lifts the baby up, and tries to soothe him with her song of lullaby. Having such a sweet voice, which is really like Lacus', the baby stopped crying.

Athrun, who is still shocked by the recent event, tries to digest everything. He now knows that he's married and has a son, he's not with Cagalli, and he'd just realized that he's wearing such a ridiculous shirt. As soon as Meer finishes the lullaby, Athrun walks to her. _Maybe this is not a dream. Maybe I'm really married to Meer._ _Heh, to think that I could see her bounce all day…_

"Meer, I'm sorry. Maybe I drank too much last night. Or maybe I'm having a short term memory lost" _Or maybe I am crazy._

"It's okay"

"Meer…Forgive me?"

"Emm, okay." Meer tries to kiss him but Athrun backs off again. Sighing, Meer puts the baby down back into his crib.

"Isn't this lovely. Patrick has purple hair. It's really rare and I really hoped that he's outshines everyone once he grows up" Meer said, a little cheery after she puts the baby down.

"Umm, Meer, remind me again why I named him PATRICK?"

"Silly dear, you named him after you father"

_Right, I'm naming my SON after the name of the person who tries to destroy the world a long time ago. I must've make a joke out of myself..._

"Dear, would you like to hold your son?" Meer asked as she picked up the sleeping baby from its crib. Seeing that she already have the baby in her arms, Athrun couldn't help but take the baby from her. He is really amazed of how small and how delicate the baby was.

"He's so… small. And he has purple hair" Meer laughs as she hears this.

"I wonder who he looks like…YUUNA!!!"

* * *

Athrun screams as loud as he could. He doesn't care anymore. This is officially, the scariest thing that has happened to him since the day his father told him to shoot off GENESIS.

The scream actually awakens everyone in the ship. Captain Talia Gladys, who is also asleep also wakes up and wondered who is screaming like a woman. Athrun Zala, who has just woken up, pants as he realized that he is in his quarter in Minerva. He lets a relief breath as soon as he is sure that he is alone; and in his quarter in Minerva. After a while, Athrun begins to crazily laugh over his stupid dream of him marrying Meer and having Yuuna as a son. His laughter stops when a furious Shinn Asuka went into his room and punches him in the face.

Author's Note: Well, this is not entirely true, if Athrun marries Meer and has purple haired children because Meer originally has blue black hair or something. But who cares.

PS – Well, I really appreciated if anyone that is been reading my fics to give me some ideas for my fic. You've could tell me who do you wanted and what it is based on. I'm making parodies, okay, so it could also be based on other animes or movies. I'm trying to find ideas for Lacus but couldn't seem to have one so help me? Thanx for everyone who have been reading and reviewed me!!


	7. Drinking Contest

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Drinking Contest**

Based On: Gundam Seed Ep. 17 (I think)

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

Never in his life have he felt such humiliation.

Mu La Flaga never got lost in a drinking game. He is pretty boastful about being able to handle alcohol in his system that he usually ended up challenging people to shots contest in a bar. If he's lucky enough, he'll get some extra cash that he won in the bet. But that was before the war. That was when he was still young and still childish (as if he's not now). And that was before he met her…

"Murrue, this is not fair. We had vodka shots last night, and it's not strong enough. Let's try on sake instead" Mu said the morning after he lost to Murrue Ramius in a drinking competition the night before. Since they were both off duty, and he was bored, he challenged her to a drinking game, in which he passed out in only after 12 shots. Murrue didn't seem to be affected by it; she'd looked as if nothing happened.

"Commander, you passed out after 10 shots of vodka and you challenged me to sake shots instead. I won fair and square. And do not call me by my first name" Murrue answered, trying hard to avoid the commander's request. They are still in the middle of Africa, and the heat is killing her. If she could, she would order the ship to go to the North Pole instead.

"Okay, captain. Last night, I was tired. I usually could handle alcohol more than 20 shots. And the way you gulp that thing scares me, so I panicked and lost control. But tonight, I won't lose again. And it was 12, not 10 shots" _I won't lose again_. _Especially not to a woman_.

"So you were trying to tell me that you couldn't accept losing to a WOMAN in something that a male dominates? Commander, you sure are childish"

"Look, I did not challenge you to this because of last night. I challenged you because…" _Come on Mu, think of something. You cannot let her destroy your ego, for god's sake._

"Because of what, commander?"

"I…challenged you to a drinking contest, tonight, because…Murdoch and the kid are also challenging you" _Stupid, stupid Mu._

"…You mean, that three of you, MALE, are challenging me to a drinking contest just because I am a WOMAN and could handle alcohol better? And that fact actually destroys your male ego?"

"Yes! NO! I mean…"

"Okay"

"I'm sorry?"

"Tonight. At the mess hall. You, Kira-kun and Murdoch-san. Be there at 12. And no audiences"

_Great. How am I going to ask Kira and Murdoch?_

* * *

"You wanted us to do WHAT?" Kira Yamato and Kojiro Murdoch were discussing the Strike's modifications and maintenance when Mu told them what has happened.

"Please, I cannot let myself lose again by her, and this involves my dignity as a man. Somehow, your names came slips out from my mouth and she is now challenging all of us"

"Wait a minute. Aren't you the one that challenges her first?" Kira asked.

"Well, it did start off like that. It seems like she needed THREE challenges instead of one"

"Are you crazy, Commander? That woman practically drinks like a pro. I've seen her drinking during our time with the Desert group and it literally scares me" Murdoch said, his eyes are fixed on the supply list instead of Mu. Kira shrugs off, thinking that this is no more than a stupid plan proposed by a man who couldn't stand being lost to a woman.

"I'm sorry, Mu-san, but I don't want to be involved in this. As much as my life has turned upside down, I'm still 16 and it's not a legal age to be drinking"

"As much as your life has changed, you are now an elite pilot with skills that's suppresses regular pilots, a soldier and you are definitely an ADULT MAN since you've slept with that girl. So I don't see why you can't drink. Besides, it'll be a good experience for you"

"To drink and get drunk?" Kira asked, blushing deeply.

"No. To actually hold your ego high in front of a woman and never let her see any weaknesses of us men"

"Commander, this is stupid. You are challenging the captain to a stupid contest, and you are trying to drag us together. I have so much work to do, so you go ahead, and may you win for us, men" Murdoch said; he really doesn't want to get involved in such a stupid contest.

"And I don't want to do this either. I'm having my own problems now and I don't want to add them up" Kira said. Both Kira and Murdoch are already walking away to their next destination, wherever that is when a desperate Mu screams something that stopped both man (or a man and a boy) from further walking away.

"If you two didn't come tonight, Murrue will always think both of you as 'men who are afraid to lose to a woman'! I'm sure she'll tell this to the whole female crew of this ship which will cost both of you your dignity as a MAN!"

* * *

"I cannot believe that you've actually convinced them to join us" Murrue said as she sat down in one of the chairs. Murdoch and Kira are already there; both of them are putting their smug faces as they looked at Mu who is holding several bottles of sake.

"I've told you, it wasn't just me who's challenging you. Kira and Murdoch are also thinking the same thing. We are of course, manly enough"

_Liar._ Both Kira and Murdoch thought.

"Well then. Shall we?"

_First shot of sake._

"Urrgh, this tastes weird!" Kira said as soon as he finishes his shot of sake.

_Second shot of sake._

"Well, here's to Archangel" Mu proposes a toast.

"Stupid you. We are supposed to toast during the first shot" Murrue said back.

"Well, doesn't matter. Here's to Archangel" Murdoch said later.

"This thing is practically burning my throat!" Kira said.

_Third shot of sake._

"THIS STUFF IS GOOD!!" Kira suddenly jumps off his chair and yells, before slumping down and falls face flat onto the table.

_Seventh shot of sake._

"My, my Murrue. Haven't got that drowsy feeling yet?" Mu asked as he turns his shot glass.

"No, not by any chance. And do not call me Murrue"

"Both of you…are crazy…" Murdoch finishes his drink, and then falls down from the chair.

_Twelfth shot of sake._

"Last night you lost during this count. I wondered how long you can handled this"

"Hah, you'll see that I could drink as much as you could. Maybe even more. I'll win this contest, Murrue"

"Do not call me Murrue, Mu"

_Eighteenth shot of sake._

"I'll win this, woman" Mu said as he places his head on the table. _God, this is hurting._

"Do you concede defeat, commander?" Murrue asked, she could still lift her head, but it also seems like she couldn't handled it any moment.

"No way. I'll never lose to a woman. Especially not to a beautiful woman such as you are"

"Too bad, I'm going to win this"

"You guys… aren't you drunk yet" Murdoch asked in his brief 10 seconds of consciousness before losing it again.

_Twenty-first shot of sake._

"Murrue…how…could you drink…like that?" Mu is now almost to the brink of losing his consciousness, while Murrue is almost in the same condition.

"I…started drinking…after he died…" Murrue said, in the same manner as Mu did.

"I didn't…asked you…when…I…asked you…how"

A sleeping Kira holds an empty bottle of sake as he murmurs 'Flay, Flay' in his sleep, while Murdoch has awoke a moment before the twentieth shot, pulls himself up, and falls down on the nearby chair before losing consciousness, again.

_Thirty-third shot of sake._

"I gave up" Mu said as he lifts his hand and loses his consciousness.

A smiling Murrue could only lift her head off before losing her own consciousness. Her last thought before she passed out completely is 'Huh…I was just…going to say…that'.

Author's note – I'm not really sure which is the strongest; vodka or sake so I've just put it in random. And since I really never knew how this shot contest works, I'm only making this using assumption and some random movies I watched. Sorry if any of it is wrong.

PS – This is for Sky who has requested a Murrue story. Sorry if it's not as good. I'll try making another Murrue story when I've got my brain cells to function later.

PS II – I'm busy!! I'm in the middle of my finals now, so don't be mad at me if I updated my stories late or whatever. And my brain cells has been set up for chemistry and internet programming (why must me a science student learn programming?) so I may lose my touch a little. Domo arigatou gozaimasta for everyone!!!


	8. A Stellar Effect

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**A Stellar Effect**

Based On: Stellar Loussier

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

Tips when you are with Stellar Loussier

#1 – Do not say the word 'die'

Stellar Loussier is dancing in her pink dress, twirling and spinning around; not caring about other people staring at her. Sting Oakley and Auel Neider watches their little 'sister' as they are waiting for someone…

"Stellar!" Shinn Asuka calls her when he saw her at the entrance of the most famous theme park of PLANT. Stellar, who heard her name being called, runs towards Shinn as Sting and Auel watches them embrace.

"Okay, make sure to be here at 5, Stellar" Sting told her. Stellar just smiled as she tightly held Shinn's arm. Auel, who're looking at Shinn are still wondering on how Neo could let her out for a date. With a ZAFT Red Coat of all people.

"Right, I'll make sure she's okay for the day. Thanks for letting me taking her out" Shinn holds his hand out as Sting reached for it for a handshake.

"No problem Just make sure that my sister is okay" _And I hoped that you'll die of falling down from the roller coaster, coordinator._

Shinn takes Stellar into the park, smiling as he sees how happy Stellar is. He took her on a roller coaster ride, the bumper car ride and the other attraction in that park. As the time passes by, Shinn and Stellar calls for a break and decided to walk around the park. While walking aimlessly, together, hand in hands eating a pack of takoyaki, a vendor calls them out.

"Hey, you two lovebirds. How about giving the lovely lady this doll? Of course you'd have to win this little contest to give her this" Shinn blushes as the man calls them 'lovebirds', while Stellar just smiles broadly as she saw the dolphin plush toy.

"Stellar wants it! Stellar wants it, Shinn!"

"Okay, I'll win this for you" Boy, Shinn would really do anything to impress a girl. "So what should I do?"

"Well, I'll throw in the die, and you'd have to guess what number that the die shows"

_Die?_

"I'm sorry, what is it?"

"I'll throw the die, and you guess it"

_Die? Stella's going to die?_

"Die? Oh, the dice. Stupid of me"

_Stellar don't want to die…_

Shinn looks as the vendor picks up the die/dice, not noticing Stellar's change in behaviour. As he about to throw, Stellar suddenly screams.

"STELLAR DON'T WANT TO DIE!!" Stellar went forward and grabs the vendor's neck. A panicked Shinn tries to pulls her away, but her strength is more than Shinn could possibly endure. The incident causes many visitors to stops, as some of men tries to help Shinn pull a screaming Stellar away.

It took them 10 minutes for them to finally releasing Stellar's hands from the vendor. Luckily, the vendor only endures a minor injury. Shinn have also managed to calm Stellar down after a while, holding her down as he explains to the witnesses that she is having her usual epilepsy and will be fine in a while. After a series of apologizing and explaining, Shinn took Stellar out from the park. Luckily, it is already 5, and Sting and Auel has already waiting for them.

"Hey Stellar. Having a good time?"

"Emm" Stellar just walks away and ignores Sting as Auel takes her to the car.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Uh, well…Stellar is having her epilepsy again. You know you should really take her to see a doctor or something" Shinn answered.

"Oh, she is seeing a doctor. The doctor said that her epilepsy is usually triggered by something. Is there something happening while you are in the park?"

"Well we were playing almost all of the rides when we decided for a break and Stellar and I stopped at this vendor and she wanted this dolphin, so to win that dolphin, I have to guess the number the die shows"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Guess the number of die. Singular for dice? That's when her epilepsy struck and she'd tries to choke the vendor guy. It's lucky that I managed to pull her away before she kills him in accident or something"

"Oh. Well, see ya. Sorry for everything, Shinn"

"It's okay. I'd really hoped I could win that dolphin for her"

As Sting watches Shinn left, he couldn't help but feeling sorry – for the vendor man.

_Oh, Stellar. Why didn't you choke him instead?_

Author's note – In reality, I'd really pitied Stellar. And I still don't understand about Shinn actually loving her. And to think that my brother only recognizes her and not the other pilots…


	9. Fashion Statement

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Fashion Statement**

Based On: Lacus Clyne's Moon Goddess Dress

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

_6:45 pm_

"Lacus, What do you plan to wear tonight?" Asked Kira Yamato to his girlfriend. They both are invited to a ball held by Cagalli herself for a thanksgiving party that will be held at 8:30 that night. It is still early, but somehow Kira suspected that they'd be late…

"I'm planning to wear the purple dress I so much like to wear" Lacus answered.

* * *

_7:01 pm_

"Lacus, will you hand me my uniform?"

"Sure Kira" Kira stretched out his hand to take his uniform, but dropped it in an instance as he saw Lacus.

"MY GOD! Lacus, why are you half naked?" Kira half-screamed when he sees Lacus-in-bra-and-underwear.

"Oh, I'm putting on some make-up. I'm afraid I'll ruin the dress if I make-up after I'm putting on the dress" Lacus cheerily answered.

"But didn't you put make-up almost 10 minutes ago?"

"That's the moisturizer. Now I'm putting foundation. Foundation can only be applied after the moisturizer is fully absorbed"

"…"

* * *

_7:17 pm_

"Kira, which is better? Neon Pink or Purple Forrest?" Lacus asked Kira as she held two tubes of very striking, bright colours of lipsticks.

"Umm… Blushed Rose?"

"Damn! I knew it!" Kira could only breathe out slowly to cover his shock of Lacus' swearing.

* * *

_8:08 pm_

"Lacus, it's almost time" Kira knocked the door"

"Just a minute. I'm putting on the dress"

A silent moment of 10-12 minutes passes by before Lacus spoke again.

"Kira, I think I'm losing weight. The dress doesn't fit. Will you get me some double sided tape and scissors"

"For what?"

"I'm going to stick the dress altogether to my bust"

"I'm sorry?"

"Kira, the dress is loose at my bust. Get me the tape now"

"Your…bust?"

* * *

_8:32 pm_

"Lacus, we're late. Hurry up now!" _Or Cagalli will kill me._

"Just a moment, dear. I'm putting the cuffs of this dress"

* * *

_8:49 pm_

"LACUS!!"

"Oh, the ribbons… Just a moment, just a moment…" Lacus placed the frilly purple ribbons around her arms and body.

Outside, a raged looking Kira in the Orb's Commander Uniform is swearing silently while squishing the can of beer he drank in frustration.

* * *

_9:14 pm_

"Lacus…" _Cagalli is really gonna kill me!_

"I'm coming out…" The door is opened revealing the pink princess in her infamous dress.

_Finally._

"Kira, will you give me another 5 minutes? I haven't had my shoes on yet"

"…"

* * *

_9:58 pm_

"Okay… Let's go. Kira?" Lacus is apparently talking to the poor sleepy Kira on the couch, who is obviously tired of waiting for Lacus to get done.

"Umm… You're done? Good, let's go to my funeral" _My sister is so gonna kill me._

"Huh?"

"Nothing, let's go meet the lioness" _Who will eat me alive for midnight snack_.

"Lioness?"

"Let's go"

* * *

_11:11 pm_

"Lacus, Kira. It's good that you're here. Although you are a BIT late" Athrun greeted them at the front door.

"Ah well, we're here now, aren't we?" Lacus happily answered back, and went straight inside. Athrun enters next followed closely by Kira. But unfortunately for him, he is pulled by someone just as he enters the door.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!!" Cagalli the Lioness of Orb angrily asked his brother. Kira could only shrug, and prays that he survives his sister's rage.

Author's note – Yes!!! I finally did a Lacus fic. Although it did took me a while to get this idea. _Gomen ne, Kira-sama!! _


	10. Onsen Chaos

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Onsen Chaos**

Based On: Gundam Seed Manga, Archangel's Onsen

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

Miriallia Haww is in bliss. Today, after a whole week of waiting for the perfect time (in which most of her time that is 'supposedly' spent there is 'wasted on constant emergencies), she has found the time to spend in the most luxurious place in Archangel – the onsen.

Since there is no one who wants to go there at that moment, given that Lacus is already asleep and Murrue is on duty, Miriallia have to spend her time alone. Not that she doesn't mind; a moment alone may be the thing she needed right now. After all, she hasn't finished thinking about her and a certain tanned blond…

As she enjoyed her warm water, she thought about the problem concerning her and her (ex)-boyfriend, and the 'what ifs' – what if her old boyfriend didn't die, what if she and her friends never involved in the war the first place, what if she died this time, what if HE died this time…

As she is lost in her own thoughts, her eyes finally drifting slowly. Thinking that no one would enter the onsen in this very late hour, she decided to let it be. For extra precaution, she has locked the door; even though she is not a computer genius like Kira is, her life as a freelance photographer has taught her many things, and locking a door is as easy as picking a lock. She relaxes in the hot water until she heard a very loud knock. NO, it wasn't a knock, more seemingly like a person trying to enter the room forcefully. Just like two years ago…

* * *

_Someone's in the onsen_ Neo Roanoke thought. Since its past his shift, and the captain seems to be busy, he decided to take a dip in what could be the most luxurious place in any ship. But as he got to the 'little heaven', he found out that the door is locked. Being a persistent man that he is, the man who claims that he can do the impossible did what any other man would when he found a locked door – he knocks it.

"Hey, open up! This is not your personal bath!"

"Is something matter?" Athrun Zala and Kira Yamato, who also had the same idea as Neo does, came behind him as he repeatedly knocks the door and demanding to know whose inside for almost 5 minutes straight.

"Oh, you guys. Well it seems that someone in here is using the onsen as his personal bath"

"Well, that's not good, isn't it?" Kira asked tiredly. It seems that the young general is in need for nice refreshment after a long day; or that his best friend dragged him up from his sleep to the onsen.

"Well, I've been knocking for a while and no one is answering" Neo answered Kira back.

"Shit. I was hoping to get myself a nice warm bath and this happens" Athrun then nudges a very sleepy Kira. The almost asleep commander is slightly shocked as he was forcefully awakened.

"Huh…? What…?"

"Kira, open the door" Athrun orders.

"Why, I wanna sleep…"

"Sleep after you open the door"

"Open this yourself"

"Come on Kira, I didn't wake you up in the middle of the night just to accompany me here"

"Yeah, your 18 and are afraid of the dark. Stupid…" Kira then lets a very loud yawn.

"You are afraid of the dark?" Neo asked.

"No, I'm not!" _Stupid Kira. Let people know my weakness._

"He's afraid of the dark because when he was 5…"

"That's enough Kira or I'll tell him that you're scared of cats!" This got Kira's attention as he opens his purple eyes slightly larger, impending that he's a little awake now.

"You are afraid of the cat?" Neo asked again.

"That's…Well, let's see what I could do…" As Kira tries to manually open the door while avoiding Neo's puzzled look, Athrun whistles happily, knowing that he'll get his bath. Being a VERY good 'programmer', he opened the door in less than a minute. As the three of them lets a silent relief and enters the onsen, an unexpected thing happened.

The three of them is being splashed.

With the hot water from the onsen.

By Miriallia Haww.

"KIRA! ATHRUN?! AND CAPTAIN…TOO?" Miriallia is in shock, as the three men were. A tiredly, sleepy Kira instantly wakes up, a stunned Athrun is well, stunned and Neo, the man who claims he could do the impossible only stands at the entrance with a horror shock in his face. The three of them are soaked wet, and a towel-only clad Miriallia could only do one thing in that situation.

She screams.

As she screams, the three shocked men also scream in unison.

Just like the history repeated itself, the towel that held her naked form hidden from view, slowly descended down as Miriallia held her hands up, causing the unison screams to became more louder than ever before.

* * *

"I cannot believe that this would happen in this time of situation" Captain Murrue Ramius said as she looked upon the three men that supposedly be the one that is 'innocent'. All three men had a very red, visible handprints mark on the sides of their faces. Miriallia just looked at them without feelings. The nightmare that haunts her two years ago is now returning, just this time, instead of Siggh, Tolle and Kuzzey, it was Athrun; plus the two men that is also involved in her long lost nightmare.

"I've told you, I didn't know she was in there. If she had only told me that she's in there, neither of us would've barged in!" Neo tries to pledge his innocence as best as he could, but without his mask, the act is really the hardest thing to be done. The blue haired 'convict' is still in shock, unable to say anything while the other 'convict' is actually sleeping while standing. Talk about coordinators…

"Well, that's that. Milly?" The captain asked the brown haired CIC officer.

"Can't you at least punish them a little? After all, they did saw a MAGNIFICENT view"

After a long time if thinking, Murrue finally decided to place them in a solidatary confinement just for the night. Even though Kira is above her rank, Kira is still Kira and he did admit making the mistake of opening (hacking) the onsen door.

As the three men tries to kill the time as they were inside, Neo is trying to figure out about whether or not he'd actually experienced the present situation as a fragment of memory of him being splashed is played in his mind.

Athrun is still in shock. Seeing a naked woman is no problem as he always sees a certain naked woman, but seeing a naked friend is scarring him to the core. Certainly a loyal boyfriend…

Kira however, is trying to figure out whether or not in the two years times, if Miriallia has finally filled out in certain places.

Author's note – I think I'm losing my touch. Anyway, the thing about Athrun's afraid of the dark and Kira's of the cats is stupid – I admit. But that's that.


	11. Haro's Day Out

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Haro's Day Out**

Based On: Baby's Day Out, Prince of Tennis' Karupin's Adventure, Gundam Seed Destiny Special Edition II

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them. Well… the movie and Prince of Tennis belonged to 'I don't know'. Anyway, nothing except for the story is mine.

* * *

The bouncy, pink robotic ball is having the time of its life. As the crew of Archangel is busy tending to everyday life of war, Haro however is always with its mistress, Lacus; following her everywhere. But today, a weird thing happened, but no one knows about it, YET. It causes the little annoying ball to actually go off around the ship by itself, to an adventure of a lifetime.

Haro bounces off happily, while muttering its own name. The crew that actually saw it just ignores it, as it belonged to Lacus and the little thing usually did nothing except trying to be a Pokemon – and no one wanted to catch it. But some of them did felt weird as Haro bounces off without Lacus. As the thing bounces off, it arrived a place every male would die to go to – female crew's WC.

Jumping while muttering 'Haro, Haro', the door opens itself and lucky Haro bounces in.

Murrue Ramius is having a nice warm shower; her shower in her own room is broken. As she happily sings while she indulges herself in a lavender-scented shower gel, she heard the robotic toy.

"Lacus-san?"

Seeing no one answered her after a few time, with the shower gel still on her body, she stepped out of the shower cubicle naked. She then saw Haro, and only Haro. As Haro happily bounces off, Murrue caught it and placed it on the nearby table.

"Stay there, okay. I'll take you to Lacus-san soon" Murrue then enters the shower to clean herself. For a moment, Haro actually behaves itself, as Murrue finishes her shower. Then, as predicted, it bounces off the table, went straight to the door, and gets out; just as Murrue went out from the shower.

"Eh? Where'd it go?" As Murrue wraps herself in her towel.

* * *

Haro bounces of happily. The scariest thing is that thing actually knew where to go despite the fact that it is a toy build by Athrun to his childish ex-fiancé. As it leaves the WC, its next destination is the mess hall.

"Haro, Haro"

Miriallia Haww swore that she had just heard Haro. As she is enjoying her time out sipping her tea, she had thought of asking Lacus to join her. Alas, neither Lacus nor her mechanical pet could've been seen.

"Hmm, I thought Lacus is here. Huh, maybe I'm just imagining things" Milly sips her tea, completely oblivious of the pink ball under her table. As soon as Milly finishes her tea, she walks out from the mess hall. For a minute, Haro sat there quietly, until a group of men took the table.

"Hey, I wondered if Lacus-sama would like a date with me" A mechanic started off the conversation with his three other companions.

"Don't be silly. Lacus-sama is with Kira"

"Really, I never knew it. They don't look that way though" Another mech spoke.

"Well, they rather kept it quiet. I would rather date Cagalli-sama. She's hotter than Lacus-sama to me"

"That's true. For all I know, Cagalli-sama looks hotter than Lacus-sama. Sorry Liam, but Cagalli-sama has a body to die for"

"Hey, Lacus-sama is a man's dream. She's nice, pretty and she's all mighty and powerful too" The mech called Liam said back.

"Well, for me, I think Cagalli-sama is for me. Don't get me wrong. It's just that after I saw her in the wedding dress, she's one hot mama!"

"Yeah, Liam. Besides, not that Lacus-sama's not pretty; it's just that Cagalli-sama has breasts despite her tomboyish look. And Lacus-sama's a flat chested!" This mech's opinion about Lacus and Cagalli is followed by laughter from his friends; the mech called Liam included, but Haro decided that it had enough of listening to chatters of useless thoughts that it decided to roll out of the mess hall instead of bouncing as usual. Neither one of the mechanics realised its presence.

Haro then went to its next destination. The one that it never got before – the deck. The deck is as busy as usual; the mechanics maintaining and upgrading Freedom, Strike Freedom and Murasame. The place is never empty, and it stinks the smell of rust and gunpowder. Haro is still rolling, until it 'hides' behind one of the railings. As it took a rest, one of the mechanics accidentally kicks it like a football. As it rolls down, Kojiro Murdoch spotted it and picks it up.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing here?" As he wonders whether Lacus is there accompanied by Haro or it just goes off alone, he didn't see Lacus anywhere so he concluded that it goes off by itself. He went out and seeks Lacus in her room.

* * *

The clock struck 2 a.m. when the buzzer to the door rang. Lacus who are busy reading the Terminal reports thought that it was Kira but was surprised as she saw Murdoch instead.

"Murdoch-san. What can I do for you?"

"I think you've lost this, Lacus" Murdoch then gives Haro back to its mistress.

"Oh, thank you, Murdoch-san. I've been looking for it for a while" Lacus happily receives her pet, but was surprised as she saw a wire or two sticking out.

"I'm sorry, but one of the mech accidently hit it or something. I could repair it, but I thought you would like the kid to do it" Murdoch explains.

"Oh, never mind. I just hoped that Kira isn't asleep by now"

"He isn't. He just left the deck a while ago. Why don't you check him up?"

Lacus then happily went to Kira's quarters. As Murdoch's predicted, Kira isn't asleep yet. Puzzled by a moment as Lacus knocks his door at 2 in the morning, his first thought is '_Lacus is going to ask for sex'_.

"Kira? Will you help me? Haro is broken. Will you help me repair it?" Lacus asked.

"Sure, come on in" Kira desperately tries to shake his twentieth hentai thought for the day and went under his bed to retrieve his tools kit, while Lacus sat on his bed. Brushing off his white uniform, he sat on the other end of the bed and started repairing Lacus' pet. Occasionally, he would've looked at Lacus. Lacus in her tight black commander's dress; Lacus' long legs; Lacus' lips…

"Kira?"

_She's gonna ask for sex?_

"I'm sleepy. Can you please return this next morning?"

"Sure thing Lacus. Go ahead and sleep" _Sleep here with me!!_

Lacus left his quarter as he watches. Shaking his head to erase those stupid sexual frustration thoughts, he went back repairing Haro. As he thought, a few wires are loose and just needed some tightening. It only took him a while before he saw something else – a small camera attached to Haro's eyes and is connected to a microchip.

_What's this? Athrun's sure has added lots of junks in his creation._ As he pulls out the camera and the microchip carefully, he went to his computer to look into Haro's little 'brain'.

As soon as he connected the microchip, he saw a blurry picture coming out; but the audio works as great. Not long after, visuals beginning to come out as well. The first thing that came out is the creator himself, Athrun Zala.

_Shit, it's only Athrun_, as he pulls himself up after falling down, shocked from seeing Athrun's face coming out from the screen. Kira then watched the little 'movie', before fast forwarding it. The whole scene is nothing more that Haro following Lacus anywhere she went. Too bad there's none of her in the bath or shower…

Kira then stops the 'movie' at today's date. He then realises that there is no Lacus at today's date. Curiously, he watches the 'movie', until…

_"Lacus-san?" _

_Murrue-san?_ Kira's question is answered; by a naked Murrue coming out from the shower, showing on his screen.

_OH MY GOD!!!_

_"Stay there, okay. I'll take you to Lacus-san soon"_ As it shows Murrue's perfect form, Kira could only stare, glued to the screen. Then, the 'movie' showed Haro bounces off. The scene showing a naked Murrue is replayed over and over in the young pilot's mind when the movie showed another shocking visual – a pink frilly laced panty.

_Great, now who's this…?_ Kira's little question is answered when he heard a voice, one that he recognises right away.

_"Hmm, I thought Lacus is here. Huh, maybe I'm just imagining things"_

_MIRIALLIA!!!_

This time, sweat beginning to form on Kira's temples. Stunned as he saw Milly's panties, he couldn't help but felt how sexy it is on her, despite the fact that he has saw her naked once.

_Maybe that thing with Dearka has really turned her into a woman…_

Still glued onto the screen, the Miriallia scene lasted for only a few minutes before she took off. It is then he saw 4 pairs of legs, sitting on Miriallia's previous table. He thought that enough is enough, as he reached out and tried to close the 'movie' when the conversation that seemingly empty turns into a very interesting one when he heard his sister's and his lover's name in the conversation.

_"That's true. For all I know, Cagalli-sama looks hotter than Lacus-sama. Sorry Liam, but Cagalli-sama has a body to die for"_

_"Hey, Lacus-sama is a man's dream. She's nice, pretty and she's all mighty and powerful too"_

_"Well, for me, I think Cagalli-sama is for me. Don't get me wrong. It's just that after I saw her in the wedding dress, she's one hot mama!"_

_"Yeah, Liam. Besides, not that Lacus-sama's not pretty; it's just that Cagalli-sama has breasts despite her tomboyish look. And Lacus-sama's a flat chested!"_

The sweat that formed on Kira's head is mysteriously vaporized as he heard that conversation. Angry, he crushed the little microchip with his coordinator strength after hearing the remarks made over Lacus and Cagalli's chests. He swore he would find 'Liam' and his friends once his shift started. It is not long before he realises something.

_Oh shit. I broke the naked Murrue and Milly's panties scene!!!_

Author's note – Who said that Kira's one innocent boy. Anyway, he got hormone so why not? And I do think that Haro is a bit annoying like a Pokemon. But I want it!!


	12. Fashion Statement II

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Fashion Statement II – Kira**

Based On: Kira Yamato's red/black attire in GSD

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

_11:27 am_

Today, the Athha/Zala Household is yet again hosting another party. This time, it was to celebrate Mu and Murrue's engagement. While preparing, Cagalli has asked Lacus to come and hep her arrange the whole place. It is almost noon, and Kira is not to be seen anyway.

"He must've overslept again. Last night is just too harsh" Lacus has said when Cagalli has asked. Deciding not to know what has cause last night to be 'too harsh', Cagalli has asked Athrun to go to the orphanage and pick him up. Grunting, he obeyed and drove as fast as he can (because he was afraid of Cagalli' wrath).

* * *

_12:12 pm_

"Kira" Athrun knocked the door. It is already 12 and the party starts at 1. Athrun knocks harder this time. There is only Kira in the house since the children are at the mansion and he is (truly) afraid if they are both late. Five minutes passes by before the door is opened by a sleepy, messy, just-woken-up Kira.

"Kira! What the hell! I've been knocking for hours man! The door must've lost some screw by now. Why are you still asleep? Didn't you hear me knocking? Did the phone stop ringing?"

"Ath…run? Ah, I must've overslept. What time is now?" Kira asked, followed by a big yawn.

"Time? Its time for the party you fool! Go take a shower and hurry up! I'll wait for you. Cagalli will be furious once she found out about this"

"Okay" Kira answered and take his towel and went into the shower.

* * *

_12:23pm_

"Athrun, are you there?" Kira yelled from behind the door.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Go to the kitchen and get me a new tube of toothpaste"

* * *

_12:38pm_

"Athrun, are you still there?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Get me a new bar of soap, please"

"Where is it?"

"In the kitchen, I think"

"I couldn't find it Kira. Are you sure it's in here"

"Well, maybe it's in the storage room"

"Where's the storage room"

"Upstairs"

* * *

_12:53 pm_

"Athrun"

"WHAT NOW!!"

"My shaving gel can is empty. Will you please…"

The door of the shower is slammed opened in rage, revealing a pretty mad Athrun.

"HERE'S YOUR SHAVING GEL, YOUR SHAVER AND YOUR FACIAL FOAM!!" Athrun throws all the items into the shower before slamming it close again in rage.

"Athrun, this is not my facial foam. It's Lacus'" A screaming Athrun could be heard next, but Kira seemed oblivious to it.

* * *

_1:09pm_

"Okay, I'm done. Wait for me" Kira said after he came out from the shower.

A raged Athrun, in calm mode is lying on the sofa with a squished can of beer in his hands; another 3 cans which shares the same fate as the one in his hands arranged on the table.

* * *

_1:13pm_

"Kira, come on. We're gonna be late" Athrun has pleaded.

"Just wait, I'm putting on my shirt"

Another 5 minutes passed before Athrun asked the same question.

"Just wait; I'm putting the buckles on the back of this top"

* * *

_1:26pm_

"Kira"

"Just wait; I'm putting the buckles on my left arm"

* * *

_1:38 pm_

"KIRA!! Your sister are gonna kill us!!"

"Just wait; I'm putting the buckles on my front"

* * *

_1:41pm_

"KIRA!!"

"Oh, a moment please. I'm putting the buckles on my right arm"

* * *

_1:50pm_

"KIIIIIIRAAAAA……!"

"Just wait. My hair is a mess. Let me fix it a bit"

* * *

_2:08pm_

"Finally, you're ready. Hurry up so I can speed up to the mansion" Athrun has said after he saw Kira came out from his bedroom.

"Actually, I'm not. The shoes" Pointing to his naked feet, Athrun lets out a grunt as he sat back on the sofa, opening another can of beer.

"How many have you taken those" Kira asked as he puts on his shoe and buckles it.

"Not enough for me to get drunk; so-so for me still in sober; enough for me to escaped the lioness" Athrun answered nonchalantly.

* * *

_2:22 pm_

"I'm done. Let's go"

"Good"

"You know Athrun, I'll drive. You seemed…tensed"

"I'LL DRIVE!!" WE'RE ALREADY LATE, AND CAGALLI MUST'VE BEEN PRETTY ANGRY!! YOU SHUT YOUR HOLE AND LET ME FINISH MY JOB!!"

"Okay, okay. You don't have to yell. I still have good hearings, you know" Kira sighed.

* * *

_2:59pm_

"Kira oni-channnnnn" The children practically run towards their Kira oni-chan. Lacus and the engaged couple came to him and greeted him as well. A tired Athrun went straight into the house, avoiding the party for a glass of water, when he is suddenly pulled by someone.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!!" Cagalli the Lioness of Orb angrily asked his fiancé. Athrun could only shrug, and prays that he survives his fiancée's rage.

Author's note – Sorry for the late update. I have a few problems recently – final exams, then re-entering university back for my degree, friends' problem and the most serious of them all – writer's block. And the uh, last one I posted got some pretty interesting review. Me a perverted hentai person… I think I'll take that as a compliment. I guess not many could write like that. Thanks a lot you guys!


	13. Opss, Wrong Gender

**THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY**

**Opss, Wrong Gender**

Based On: Rey Za Burrel

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

The weekend is here again, and the gang wants to have a little time off form the academy. Lunamaria Hawke and her sister Meyrin decided to take a walk around October 4. But not before asking Shinn, Youlant, Vino and surprisingly, Rey.

The three men froze in shock over Luna's invitation to Rey. Rey Za Burrel, the young pilot of Blaze Zaku Phantom, a red coat and who rumour says the Chairman's son (more like his 'ahem, ahem') display his usual face – nothing.

"So Rey, what do you say?" Asked Luna again. Shinn, Youlant and Vino is now biting their own lips from stopping Luna, while Meyrin had her own cute version of puppy look. Rey's face is still unreadable.

_Luna, stop asking him_; Shinn thought.

_Doesn't she knew what'll happen if he out in the open_; Vino thought.

_OH MY GOD!! LUNA IS ASKING REY OUT. CALL THE COPS!_ This is from Youlant's mind.

"Well Rey?"

For a good 5 minutes, Rey Za Burrel said nothing, and his face doesn't seem to have any of its muscles move. Giving up, Luna turns her back, followed by sighs from Shinn, Vino and Youlant, when Rey spoke for the first time.

"I'll go"

Horror could be seen on the three cadets of ZAFT's academy.

* * *

October 4 is like any other PLANT – lots of people, and lots of buildings. The gang decided to go for lunch before going to other places. A cheery Luna and a happy Meyrin leads the group, followed by Shinn, Vino and Youlant. Rey, on the other hand, is the last in the group, and he is almost breaking apart from them. When Shinn discovers this, the thing that he is truly afraid of when Rey is out happens.

A make up salesgirl is approaching Rey.

Running as fast as he can to save his friend (and his dignity), Shinn manages to capture a puzzled Rey who seems to be daydreaming while walking. Pulling him, he thought he escapes the 'enemy' when another salesgirl approaches them. This time, there is no escape route.

"Hello, would you like to try this lipstick, Miss?" the salesgirl asked Rey.

"Oh, I….I'm…." Rey tries to answer, but Shinn's embarrassment is overflowing.

The other salesgirl whom they were trying to escape first is now approaching them.

"Good afternoon. Would you like to have a little make over session, miss?" She asked Rey.

"Look, missy. My friend here is not a girl, okay? So beat it off" Shinn tries to control his tone, but his face is getter redder by every minute.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. But she…he…he looks so feminine!" The salesgirls said.

The red-faced Shinn then pulled away the still puzzled Rey.

"Where did you go just?" Luna asked Shinn and Rey. Vino and Youlant, who seems to know what's just happened tries to hide their laughter.

"Oh, Rey saw this beautiful…vase made out of…of…matchsticks! That's it, matchsticks! Haha!" _Oh my god! What am I talking shit about?_

"REALLY! Let's see it later, onee-chan!" Meyrin said with happiness in her tones.

"Oh, what's so great about matchstick vase. Let's see it other time Meyrin" Luna said, while eating her spaghetti. Neither girls saw how relieved Shinn was.

Rey, the man who is offered a lipstick sample (or two) is eating his pasta penne in quiet, oblivious to his surrounding.

* * *

Their next destination is the boutique. The girls wanted to pick up some new dress, and the boys had to be threatened to come together. As Luna and Meyrin changes clothing, Shinn, Youlant, Vino and Rey looks around the boutique, finding that neither thing sold in the boutique interests them. As Rey held an eggshell blue knee-length dress, the boutique assistant came.

"My, my. You have fine taste. Would you like to try it" The assistant asked Rey.

Shinn, Youlant and Vino glances towards Rey, only to found the woman talking to their poor friend. Again, horror came to their faces.

The three men run as fast as they can to Rey; dropping at least two mannequins, a row of clothes, and knocking several other customers. As they reach him in record breaking seconds, Shinn took the dress, while Youlant pulls a baffled Rey away. Vino turns back to apologize to the fallen customers, picks up the scattered clothes, and apologizing to the mannequins before he realizes that it was really a large doll and not a person.

"I'm sorry, miss. But my friend is having some…headache today. You see, my friend is a… a…I'm sorry" Shinn then fled the scene. Vino soon follows him outside the boutique.

"What just happened?" Rey asked the three men that he thought was embarrassing him just now.

"What…happened…Must you…go and…pick up everything girly?" Vino asked between pants. They are now at an escalator not far from the boutique and all of them seemed tired. Except for Rey, that is.

"Wha…? I just pick the dress up. Is it a crime now?"

"Well…It's a dress" Youlant answered.

"And must you…talk to everyone? The salesgirls…early…this afternoon. You could've ignored her" Shinn said.

"Well, they seemed nice. And they were offering me something. It's not wrong being polite sometimes, Shinn"

"Do you realize what is going on, Rey?" Youlant asked.

"Yeah. Everybody is nice to me. I mean, they are really, really nice. The salesgirls in particular" Rey answered with confidence.

The panting teens freeze. It seems to them that all this time, Rey did not notice one thing.

Everyone thought he is a girl.

"Everyone, why did you leave us in the shop?" Luna and Meyrin came out from the boutique, holding several bags of clothes.

* * *

"Everyone, I'm sorry, but we really need to go to the pharmacy. My facial foam is dangerously finished" Meyrin said, followed by the objected three men. After all that has happened, all they wanted to do is go back.

The early incident following Rey's mistaken gender is like a curse following them everywhere. First, it was the lipstick, then the dress, followed by the free hair makeover for females and the worst, free spa treatment including breast massage. In all cases, Rey seems oblivious that the people approaching him mistaken him for a female. And in all cases, the three men would have to save him.

_This is why I hate taking Rey along_; Shinn has thought every time he has to save Rey. In fact, this is what he, Vino and Youlant would have to do each time they are with Rey Za Burrel. Everyone who met him will first think of him as a female rather than male.

Why _no one realizes Lunamaria and Meyrin? Are they transvestite? _Shinn thought again.

As they reached the pharmacy, Meyrin and Luna went straight to the facial rack. Shinn, Youlant, Vino and Rey all decided to wait outside, not wanting anything that has to do with mistaken-gender-Rey happen again (although Rey did want to go inside, but he was stopped by Youlant and Vino). As they were sitting on a bench near the escalator, three unknown men came down the escalator. Shinn pay no attention to them, until…

"Hello there missy" One of the men started 'hitting' Rey.

_Shit, not happening again…_

"Hi there miss. I can see you are with your friends. Why don't you accompany us than them for an afternoon tea?" Rey kept himself expressionless, but his friends all had it for the day.

"Hey mister, get a life. Little 'missy' here is not a missy, but a mister. So back off" Shinn blurts it all out in anger, causing an audience.

"Yeah, get a life" Youlant retorts.

"Or else what?" The third member of the three men who tried to hit Rey said. Since neither one of them wore their ZAFT uniforms and all of them (stupidly) forgot their ZAFT academy's identification card, all they can do is talk loud, shows some soldier-like attitude and nothing more. The three men are all equally larger individually then the cadets and Shinn knew they had no chance of hitting them off. Even with martial arts, the three men would have easily defeated them.

"Haha, they are all trying to keep her from us. What a loser. Come to papa, little girl" The first men who spoke with them tries to pull Rey away, still thinking that Rey is a girl, but something unimaginable happens.

Rey just throw the man off.

It is then the start of a little street fight, where Rey single handed 'defeat' all the large three men that tries to 'hit' him. Shinn, Vino and Youlant could only watch as the audiences started cheering for him. As he finishes his move, the three men started running away from Rey.

"How in the hell did you do that?" Shinn asked.

"This is something I learned in the classes you decided to skip"

"Oh"

Rey's little 'demo' has caused him to be an instant celebrity. Everyone started cheering for him for defeating the three 'devils" Shinn, Vino and Youlant just smiles. They are all finally relieved and proud that for a moment, Rey actually shows his 'masculine' side. There will be no problem to take Rey out for a walk the next time. No more embarrassment of having a 'female' male friend. That is until…

"That's a good move, girl. You have finally showed some girl power there!"

"Yeah, this is what a us girl should do to men like them"

"You go girl!!"  
Shinn, Youlant and Vino could gape at the situation.

_Doesn't anyone realise. HE IS A MALE, NOT A FEMALE!!_

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Luna and Meyrin asked as they approach the men in a circle of cheering females. Shinn, Vino and Youlant could only lower their heads, while Rey just kept quiet and finally pulls out his I-Pod earphones.

"I don't know what happened. But this guy just pulled me and I kick his ass" Rey answered with confidence.

All three ZAFT cadets fell anime style after seeing Rey pulled off his earphones.

Author's note – Lame ass story I suppose. Well, you think what happened next, okay? My brain is filled with all thing biology.


	14. The Worst Assignment

**THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY**

**The Worst Assignment**

Based On: The time when Flay is stuck with ZAFT, GSD (when he told Athrun not to go shopping)

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

Flay Allster could only look downward, as if the floor is more interesting then the scenario in front of her. Rau Le Creuset is smirking as if he had just won lottery, while Yzak Jule could only twitch his eyes in his attempt not to explode in anger over the order given to him on his first day in PLANT after being stuck on earth for so long by his masked commander.

"Yzak, I am quite busy today, and since Miss Allster did not have any personal effects, plus this is her first time in PLANT, you take her shopping today"

If human could change colours, Yzak's may have become red. Both in anger and dissatisfaction.

_Why must I bring a stupid natural shopping_ was his thought as he waited Flay at Rau's apartment. Since Flay had no where to live, Rau decided that she stays with him while waiting for their next mission. Although it sounded strange, Yzak couldn't help but notice how tidy and neat his commander's apartment is.

"I…I'm ready" Flay emerges out from one of the doors. Yzak watches her from top to bottom.

"Is that what you're going to wear?" Yzak said, referring to her large grey T-shirt and khakis. It is obvious that she is wearing something 'borrowed'.

"Ye…Yes. I…I don't have any other att…attire, sir" Flay stutters. Since the day she was 'kidnapped', she became extremely afraid to everyone, that she stutters to everyone, except for Rau Le Creuset, of course. Despite the fact that everyone did not know her and the fact that she is a natural instead of coordinator, everyone she met treated her well as if she was one of them from the beginning.

"Fine, let's go" as he lead Flay to his car.

It is a sunny Sunday, and the shopping complex is jampacked with people. It took Yzak a while before he could find a parking lot (after arguing with some other guy, Yzak won by punching the window of the man's car before showing him his ZAFT identification card). Yzak gets out of the car as Flay follows him. Even though she tries to hide it well, Yzak couldn't help but notice how panicked and scared Flay is. And the shirt and khakis didn't suit her well.

"So where do you want to go first?"

It took Flay a while before she answered.

"The under…garment section…sir"

_WHAT?_

"I…I need to…to buy new pairs of…of bras and underwear…sir" Flay answered, as if she reads Yzak mind.

_Great, what am I going to do now?

* * *

_

**The undergarment section**

It may sound weird, but Yzak did not seem embarrass as he and Flay enters the undergarment section. He put on his best 'mask' face as he watches Flay look at some bras and underwear. Even though his face seems motionless, inside, Yzak is screaming to get out of that place or die of embarrassment.

After almost 30 minutes, Yzak couldn't stand no more.

"Hurry up, woman! What took you so long?"

"Um…"

"WHAT?!"

"I… I can't seem to… to choose between these bras"

"What's the difference? It just the thing that holds your breasts right?"

"Th… there is…"

"What?"

"I… I can't seem… to… to choose between the blue bra and the pink one"

"…"

Suddenly, the salesgirl that has been monitoring Flay came towards them as she saw Yzak and Flay in 'argument'.

"Oh, this is so wonderful. You are sure one lucky man sir. Your girlfriend asks you to choose the colour of her bra. She is really considerate. Your sex life must've been so great!"

* * *

"Okay, you got your bra. What's next?" Yzak asked Flay after that embarrassment moment at the undergarment section. Not only that it took Flay hours just to choose the bra, the salesgirl even thought that they are couples. So much that she had the nerves to ask him of his favourite colour for Flay's bra. After almost 2 hours, lots of questions, pairs of eyes staring at him, they both came out with Flay's new baby blue bras and underwear, a dozen of congratulations from the said salesgirl, and Yzak's wallet short of 1/3 the money he had in his pockets. He puts a mental note to claim the money from Commander Creuset when he gets back.

"I… I need some…to…toiletries, sir"

_Okay, that sounded better than the undergarment section.

* * *

_

**The hypermarket**

Yzak is putting his stone face as he watches Flay holding up the groceries, including the paper bag of undergarments in her arms. As much as he wanted to help her, his Jupiter-sized ego wouldn't let him. As Flay struggles to walk as she holds up the shampoo, the shower gel, facial foam, tissue box, a pack of meat (for dinner) and a box of milk, Yzak follows her closely behind, avoiding looks from other shoppers.

_She's not my friend, and certainly not my girlfriend, she's my assignment! Stupid commander…_

As Yzak got lost in his thought, Flay suddenly stops.

"What now woman?"

"Umm, will…will you help me?" Flay asks as she tries to stabilised the groceries in her hand.

"What?"

"I…I…" Flay's face becomes redder as she speaks.

"Speak up, woman. I haven't got all day"

"Will…will you get me a pack of… of sanitary napkins for me?"

Oh, the horror on Yzak's face.

* * *

**Woman's attire**

Due to the fact that Flay is a natural beauty, he couldn't hide the fact that she is hiding her beautiful face (and body) beneath something 'borrowed'. Even though she is just a natural, she is much prettier compared to some other coordinator. Because of this fact, Yzak has made a decision. A decision he's going to regret next.

"Woman, I can't stand looking at you wearing that… that thing, so I'm going to spend the rest of the day getting you something else to wear"

"Rea…really sir?" Flay asked in enthusiasm.

"Yeah, yeah, go and pick something out. But not too expensive and not too revealing"

"Okay" Flay's little annoying stutters suddenly disappear. Since he knew that woman took long enough to pick a single dress, Yzak decided to sit down at the nearest bench while waiting for Flay. But too bad for Yzak, he didn't know how LONG it will take for Flay to go pick a dress…

A good half an hour and Flay is still choosing her dress. Still, Yzak just shrugs and laid back.

Another half an hour. Flay is holding both the pink and red dress in her right hand, and a pair of jeans and four fancy T-shirts.

The next half an hour. Flay is trying out her blue dress, twirling in circles before picking up the white dress and enters the changing room for the fifth time.

The next hour. Flay couldn't decide between the pink dress she took first and the white one she took later.

Next hour. Flay STILL couldn't decide on the pink and white dress.

Five minutes later. Yzak starts screaming at Flay; take a look at the dresses she's having trouble to chose to, pick the white one, before pulling Flay with his right hand, and the bags of groceries and undergarments in his left to the cashier.

* * *

**Le Crueset's apartment**

If it isn't for Flay, he's surely doesn't want to come there.

Flay enters the door of the apartment with the key Rau gave her that morning. Yzak, being the gentleman that he is enters the apartment bringing the groceries and the undergarment. But his steps stopped when he saw such an unusual scene in front of him.

Commander Rau Le Creuset is cooking dinner.

"Now, now, don't be surprised, Yzak. I am after all a bachelor. And I am not such a bad man to let a beautiful girl to cook and clean for me. And I see that you have bought her such a nice dress" Rau have said, as soon as Flay in the white dress took the bags of groceries and gave the pack of meat to him before disappeared into her own room.

"I thank you Yzak for taking this assignment for me"

"It is an honour, sir" Somehow, he wanted to take back what he'd just said. What honour does it bring by taking a girl shopping?

"You may leave now, Yzak. Me and Miss Allster are going to have dinner, and you; I presume are expected at the Jule manor right?"

"Yes sir" _Yes, I can't wait to get out of this place and this stupid assignment anymore…_Just_ as_ Yzak walks out the door, he could hear the commander's speaking.

"Oh, and by the way Yzak. The expenses for today will be taken straight from your payment, thanks to the failed mission you had last month. I would have punished you better, but I think one is better"

The door closes just as soon as Rau finishes his sentence. Yzak could only stand still, red the colour of his face now, fisting his hand hard before punching a vase belonging to Rau's neighbour.

_I hate shopping…_

Author's note - I have always wanted to make a fic about what happen to Flay while she is 'captured' by Rau. Basically, I don't think she is a captive there, since she wore the ZAFT ultra cool uniform and walks around without being confined or anything. Well, this's this. I'm having too much stress lately...


	15. Let Me Talk!

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Let Me Talk!**

Based On: Shiho Hahnenfuss' lack of line(s) in GSD

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

_First time meeting – Shiho Hahnenfuss' reporting to Yzak Jule_

A knock came to Yzak Jule's office door one fine morning, in the middle of the infamous Bloody Valentine war after he returns to PLANT.

"Come in" Cold words coming out from the commander's lips. _Expected that already…_

Shiho Hahnenfuss, the newly graduated Red Coat of ZAFT enters Yzak's door, salutes him and gave him her personal file.

"State your name please. I haven't got all day, woman"

"Sir…" Her introduction is cut short by the sound of the alarm.

"Shit! Get to your station, woman. We can do the intros later"

"…"

_Fourth time meeting – A stumble in the hallway

* * *

_

They were in space. Floating towards their designated destination. Yzak came in from the south; Shiho from the north. As they came towards each other, Shiho saluted her commander as usual.

"Go…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.Good morning to you too, Hahnenfuss"

"…"

* * *

_First phone call_

Yzak dialled her number again. For the sixth time today. No, make it seventh; including the one he made in the toilet. His palm is all wet, and his brows spotted a few drops of sweat.

_Relax, Jule. You're just calling her to for her to get the file she had, that's all. Don't be such a fool._

His mind suddenly stops when she answered. So does his heartbeat.

"Hel…"

"Hahnenfuss, this is your commander speaking. Please bring me the file you have for today's meeting at 1430 hours sharp" With that, he puts the receiver down, followed by a long sigh.

"…"

Meanwhile, back at Yzak's apartment, Yzak started jumping and dancing on his bed while singing a cheesy Elvis song.

* * *

_First date_

It is their first date after 5 months of knowing each other. Of course as a commander and a subordinate. It was only then that Yzak has the courage to finally asked Shiho out. Even if it so, the place they're going for a date isn't as romantic as is supposedly be. Of course, what do you expect, from one Commander Jule?

"Sorry Shiho, I can't get any reservation to any of those fancy restaurants. I hope this is okay" Yzak said referring to the take-away pizza and Chinese. They are on the top of the ZAFT main headquarters in Aprillius City; the view is breathtaking and the moon is shinning brightly. It may not be as romantic as it supposed to be, but it is good enough for the both of them.

"It's…"

"Of course, I'll take you to those fancy restaurants someday, but not today. Okay?"

"I…"

"You know, I can't actually stand the sight of those fancy restaurants. Filled with protocols, fine dress, bad food and large expenses. Not that I'm stingy or anything, but really, the food sucks"

"Yes…"

"And most of those restaurants have one of my mother's friends. Then they'll start giving gossips and all to their clique. Next thing you know, they'll start buzzing off about my private life. It's bad enough with them thinking me as gay. When they'll meet you, they probably wouldn't think of you as my girlfriend; they'll think I'm using you to cover that fact. Stupid old women! I'm not gay!"

"Yz…"

"I'll tell you this. I'M NOT GAY!!!"

"Yes…"

A ring stopped both ZAFT soldiers at once. It was Yzak's cell phone. Yzak took no time to waste as he answered the phone. Meanwhile, a stunned Shiho is still, stunned. A moment later and he ended the call.

"Sorry dear, we've got an emergency. So let's pack up"

"Wh…"

"We've got ourselves info on the upcoming attack. Let's go now, Hahnenfuss" Great, Yzak has returned to become Commander Jule again.

* * *

_Wedding day_

It is a lovely day. Finally Yzak Jule and Shiho Hahnenfuss are going to tie up the knot after 4 years since their first fateful meeting. Everyone was invited – ZAFT's high commander Kira Yamato and his wife, PLANTs supreme councilwoman, Lacus Clyne; Orb's Admiral Athrun Zala and his fiancé, Orb's representative, Cagalli Yula Athha; his best friend and best man, Dearka Elthman and his off-on girlfriend, Miriallia Haww; Commander Shinn Asuka and his girlfriend, Lunamaria Hawke alongside her sister Meyrin; Commander Andrew Waltfeld and Captain Murrue Ramius and also her husband, Commander Mu La Fllaga; some high officers, council members and of course, his mother.

The priest that is going to perform the service has started off the speech about the joy and hardship of getting married. Yzak never paid attention to any of it. And so does Shiho. Both are just happy that they are finally going to finalised their love chapter.

"And now, do you Yzak; take this woman to be your beloved wife, in sickness…"

"I do"

"And do you Shiho; take this man to be your faithful husband…"

"I…"

"AHHHHCHHHHOOOOOOO…….!!!!!!!" Shiho's answer is silenced by Dearka's sudden loud sneeze. By the time Shiho tries to repeat her answer, the priest said the magic words.

"And now, I pronounce you, Yzak Jule and Shiho Hahnenfuss as husband and wife. You may kiss the bride"

"…"

By then, Yzak has already kisses Shiho, followed by claps and cheers from everyone. Including Mr-ruined-it-all-Dearka.

* * *

_First night – as Mr and Mrs Jule_

It is a lovely hotel. Shiho is wearing herself a nice white transparent thigh length nightgown, courtesy of one Cagalli Yula Athha and Miriallia Haww. Although, it wasn't the first time they'll be doing it together, but it is the first time that they'll be doing it as husband and wife. A moment later, and Yzak emerges from the shower; his nakedness covered by the while fluffy towel around his waist.

As he sits on the bed, Shiho could feel that he is also nervous for this moment. Yzak haven't said a word; he's simply watches her, and as the moment passed by, so does his lips, coming inches closer to her.

"Yz…"

Too bad, it was cut short by a phone call.

"Motherfucker, who could it be…" Yzak cursed, answering the phone on the table. After a few curses and hard, cold yelling to whomever stupid enough to call him, he puts the receiver down, kisses her briefly, before putting on his uniform.

"Wha…"

"Sorry, emergency. This time it cannot be helped. Even Kira is on his way. I'll see you later, love"

"But…"

"I'm sorry Shiho. As much as I wanted to stay, I can't. I'll made it up for you, soon" Yzak kisses her again as he went out to the door.

"Yz…"

"Go to sleep. It'll make you less angry about this" With that, he walks out the door. Shiho sighs, looks at the door again, before burying her face in the fluffy pillow.

_Yzak, you fool. Can't you just let me finished what I am trying to say?_

Author's note – Yup, Yzak and Shiho. I actually pitied Shiho. She's a great character for me, being that she's the true Red Coat pilot, not Lunamaria Hawke. Anyway, this is for Housenka, she (or he?) wanted it. Hope you'll like it.


	16. Drinking Contest – Reloaded

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Drinking Contest – Reloaded **

Based On: Murrue Ramius' crazy and eerie way of drinking alcohol, Athrun's lack of drinking skills (seen in Gundam Seed Destiny: The Edge), my own fic, Drinking Contest.

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

Everyone thought he have learned his lessons.

Mu La Flaga follows his now girlfriend, Murrue Ramius around the ship, zero gravity practically because he's simply did not want to admit his loss. Or so everyone thought.

"Please Murrue. Just this time only. Please?"

"No Mu. How many times do I need to tell you? We're in the middle of war, with lack of supply and even pilots to protect the ships, and with both ZAFT and Earth Alliance looking for our asses, and you are asking me for a drinking contest rematch?"

"Yes" Murrue couldn't be as shock as she is now.

"Mu, dear. Can't we do this some other time?"

"No. And this time, I'm pretty sure you'll lose" Mu smirks. He is pretty confident that this time's match, Murrue will be lost. And he, the boastful man who could make the impossible possible Mu La Flaga will bring the men their dignity back – if the plan works well.

"Haha. Very funny, Mu. Look, I'm pretty busy right now. Why don't I see you later tonight Mu, say, your quarters…"

"Or you could let me beat you in drinking contest"

"Mu!"

"I, Mu La Flaga, Hawk of Endymion is challenging you, Murrue Ramius, great captain of Archangel to a drinking contest!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CRAZY, MU?" Murrue is practically half screamed, but still in controlled manner due to the fact that they are standing in the end corners of the Archangel deck. Luckily, the time showed midnight (in both Atlantic Federation and PLANT) and most of the crew have retired for the day.

"Yes, I am. I am challenging you. And this time, I will win!"

The smirk on Mu's face is getting annoying that all Murrue would wanted to do is punching him. As Murrue tried to contain her anger, came three coordinators who have at last finished their maintenances and upgrades of their respective mobile suits.

"Oh, really? I didn't know Milly likes red bean ice cream" Kira Yamato, pilot of Freedom, is talking with his former enemy, Dearka Elthman about his best friend, Miriallia Haww. After the death of her boyfriend, Tolle Koenig, Dearka practically became her sort of protector (Nah, he just had some crazy teenage crush on her). Behind them, Athrun Zala, pilot of Justice is having a confused look as to imagine what would red bean ice cream tasted like.

As the three pilots come, Mu had a stupid, not brilliant and abnormal idea.

"Boys, I've been looking for you three" Mu came toward them, putting each arm on Kira and Dearka's shoulders, while a confused Athrun looks on. Murrue, on the other hand, need not to be an ultimate coordinator or a newtype to know what's on his mind.

"Oh no, Mu. You are not going to do what I think you'll do"

"Oh yes, Murrue. Boys, I have decided for the sake of us men, be it natural or coordinator, that we need to challenge Murrue to a drinking contest"

"HUH?!" Dearka and Athrun are obviously confused. But that did not apply to Kira, since he has once stepped into his trap and gets the humiliation of his life. For the whole week after he, Murdoch and Mu have been found drunk dead in the mess hall, many people, women in particular laughs at the fact that the three of them lost to a woman in a drinking contest. Murdoch swore that he will never accepts any challenges while Kira practically hides in his room, coming out only for battles, lunchtime and sending reports. Other that that, he sits in his room, with Flay doing absolutely nothing than 'that'. He swore he will never listen to Mu and his stupid ideas again.

"Oh no, Mu-san. You've did this once and the aftermath is terrible. I am not doing this again, for god's sake" Kira shrugs off.

"Again?" Athrun asks. He is definitely clueless. So does Dearka.

"Oh now, look Kira. We all know that that time is the time when you are still a child. You're… not matured,YET. Forget the fact that you had a woman waiting for you every night giving herself to you. It was my mistake that I dragged you in that time. But this time you've grown up. You're… matured. A bit. Still, matured. And older. And I'm sure after that day, you've started drinking a can of beer every night as a practise" Kira's face reddens at Mu's choice of words.

"Woman giving herself… to you…?" Athrun asked.

"Can of beer?" Dearka asked.

"Every night…?"

"You passed out on drinking?" Followed by a laugh from Dearka.

"Kira, you're not a virgin anymore?"

"Shut up, Athrun"

Murrue, who kept herself quiet all this time, smiles back at the boys and tries to flee. Mu, who realises this calls upon Murrue, hoping that he will get his one chance.

"No way, Mu. I think you're just doing something nonsense, and the boys are practically not with you. So be it Mu. Even if we had a rematch, you will still be lost to me. Men, losing in a drinking contest to a woman. How pathetic" Murrue left, laughing along the way. But her words somehow trigger a certain feeling in the three pilots mind. A feeling of dissatisfaction, and anger.

"CAPTAIN, WE CHALLENGED YOU TO A DRINKING CONTEST!" Kira, Athrun and Dearka shouts throughout the deck. Mu looks on with amusement, while Murrue just looks over her shoulder, smiles and went straight to on.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm doing this again" Kira said, while eating a piece of pie.

"I can't believe I've actually convince my own girlfriend to a rematch" Mu said, while fidgeting with a spoon.

"I can't believe I defected from ZAFT to join a bunch of crazy people. Who do drinking contests in the middle of the war?" Dearka said, while chewing a piece of chocolate.

"I can't believe that I was once engaged, and still a virgin while my cry-baby, childish best friend is a virgin no more" Athrun said, while eating a red bean ice cream.

All three men looked at Athrun curiously.

"Sorry, I need to fetch something before we start. Here" Murrue finally arrives. In her hands, five shot glasses and a bottle of alcohol.

"Martini?" Mu asked.

"The harder, the better. Now then, boys. Shall we?"

* * *

_First shot of martini_

"Well then. Here's to us. May we all survive this bloody war despite the fact that we are lacking in supplies, mobile suits and armaments" Mu proposed a toast. Glasses could be heard clinkering later.

It was then followed by a loud 'ouch' from Kira trying to pass the alcohol into his systems.

* * *

_Second shot of martini_

"Well then, I never thought I'll be saying this, but on this ship, you're not just getting good food, there are also pretty girls onboard and alcoholic drinks. I think I wanted to switch sides to the alliance" Dearka has said after finishing his drink.

"Uh, hello Dearka. We defected, you and I from ZAFT. And they're also defected from the alliance" Athrun said later.

"Ouch" Kira still trying his best to pass his martini down his throat.

Meanwhile, both the captain and her commander fixed their eyes on each other, not because of affection but because neither of them wanted to lose the chance of seeing either one of them falls down first.

* * *

_Third shot of martini_

"OUCH! Shit man, this is surely good stuff!" Kira finally said, after jumping off his seat. The remaining participant looks at Kira curiously.

* * *

_Fifth shot of martini_

"Wow, I can't believe I can still hold on after the forth" Athrun exclaimed.

"What? Do you mean that before this you have also gone drunk dead?" Dearka asked Athrun.

"Well… that was a long time ago"

Suddenly, Kira jumped off his seat again, raised his hands up and says:  
"YES! I BROKE MY OWN RECORD!"

… Before passing out.

* * *

_Eighth shot of martini_

"How in the living hell can you drink and not saying anything, old man?" Dearka asked Mu.

"I'M NOT AN OLD MAN! And this is serious business so go away!"

"Ow, that's not nice Mu. He asked you nicely. Maybe it's the time perhaps for you to get drunk and let me wins this. AGAIN" Murrue said, her fingers rolling the glass on the table.

"Hah! In your dreams, Murrue"

Meanwhile, a certain bluenette starts counting for reasons unknown.

* * *

_Ninth shot of martini_

After they finished their drinks, Athrun starts chanting the ABC's for reasons unknown.

* * *

_Tenth shot of martini_

"THERE IS NO WAY I AM STILL A VIRGIN!! DEARKA, GET ME A GIRL!! NO, GET ME CAGALLI!!" Athrun suddenly blurts out, obviously drunk. It was then the most unthinkable thing happens.

Kira awake to punch Athrun in the face, before both of them falls down to the floor and losing consciousness together.

Mu, Murrue and Dearka could only watch and shrugs.

* * *

_Thirteenth shot of martini_

Although he did not want to admit it, THIS martini is indeed harder than any drinks he had ever drunk. He almost loses balance, but still managed to control it. Murrue seems to be fine, but her legs starts to cramp.

Dearka however is one step to the point of reaching the end he did not want – defeat. In the hands of an 'old man', and a woman.

* * *

_Fourteenth shot of martini_

"I have a confession to make" Dearka blurts out to the drunken-yet-still-awake adults in front of him.

"Shoot"

"I… stole Miriallia's panties. And bra"

"…"

* * *

_Fifteenth shot of martini_

"I… ADMIT …DEFEAT" Dearka raises his hand.

"Okay" Both adults answered.

"Don't… tell… Milly" Dearka gave them a sly grin, before joining the two ace pilots on the floor.

Mu and Murrue have both reached their limits, but still did not want to admit defeat.

* * *

_Twentieth shot of martini_

"Murrue, this… is NO martini… isn't it?"

"No… it's martini…with a twist of whiskey… vodka… and lemon juice" Murrue answered in difficulty.

The three so-called-greater 'human' lies on the floor; Kira murmuring Flay's AND Lacus' name, Athrun saying something about cuffs and Cagalli while Dearka is crying while babbling something about losing. And panties and bra.

* * *

_Twenty-second shot of martini_

"Darling… it seems that you won… again" Mu said, raising his hand in defeat and losing consciousness.

"Dear… I was about… to say 'I quit'" Smiling, she then loses consciousness as well.

Author's note – Well, I made a sequel to my own fic. I really wanted to do something where the coordinators challenges a natural in something – and still loses. I did many hentai thoughts in this, didn't I? Well, I may perhaps do a full blown lemon…if I have time and courage.


	17. Dinner From Hell

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT GUNDAM SEED/DESTINY

**Dinner from Hell**

Based On: Seed Club Comics about Cagalli's lack of cooking style

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed/Destiny belonged to Bandai, Sunrise and anyone who have the rights to them.

* * *

His intentions may sound right, but what Kira has said during that afternoon when he said his plan for the weekend alarms him a bit.

_"You are asking Cagalli to cook so that she and that Destiny pilot can settle it down? Good luck…" Kira said, while enjoying a cup of espresso._

_"Thanks. I do hope it works"_

_"No, no. I REALLY mean good luck"_

What does Kira meant by that? Athrun just shrugs as he drove to the Orb's guest house, where Shinn Asuka is staying for the weekend. Since the end of Second Bloody Valentine War, he really wanted Cagalli and Shinn to call it a truce. After all, it wasn't really Cagalli's fault that his family died, and it wasn't really Shinn's fault that Orb almost got burnt for the second time. NOT REALLY.

The first time he told his fiancée his plan, she almost strangled him to death. Luckily, her brother was there to stop her. Of course, when you are fighting a LIONESS, not even the BERSERKER could have handled it. While trying to gain consciousness, the siblings starts talking, arguing about emo kid and dinner. But after a few minutes, and two painkillers, Cagalli starts sitting down, and agreed to Athrun's request. On one condition.

"I'll do the cooking for that day's dinner" At this, Kira could only look down to the floor, gulping.

Athrun have no choice but to agree.

It was almost the same situation with Shinn. He 'accidentally' met him in PLANTs, on a political business when he told Shinn his plan of asking him to dinner. Since they are in an elevator at that moment, Shinn did what he think was the best.

He punches him right in the face.

Okay, so payback's a bitch. Athrun did punch him then. Even slapped him. But Athrun just 'accepted' it. _Just a little sacrifice for the sake of coordinators and naturals… Ouch._

"Okay" Shinn said as the door to the elevator opens. Just as he left, Athrun loses balance and almost faint due to the punch.

As soon as Shinn got into Athrun's car, he said the things he already knew he will say…

"This better be good"

Athrun just smiles, and hoped that Cagalli will be in the same mood as 'their' guest will be.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the servants and the cooks all left the mansion in horror after seeing their mistress doing something more 'sinister' than before.

* * *

_Crème Mushroom soup, Desert Style_

After 'confronting' Shinn, Cagalli went straight to the kitchen to prepare her special cooking. Although nothing bad happened (yet), none of them says anything to each other except 'hello', 'how are you doing' and 'hmm'.

As soon as they seated themselves in the large dining room, Athrun starts having doubts about his plan to make them forget their truce and get on with life.

"Here we are. Mushroom soup, Desert Style" Cagalli said, obviously satisfied.

"Desert Style?" Athrun asked.

"Oh, I made that using wild mushrooms, so go and have a sip. I still have more food for all of you" Cagalli left, but she is smiling. And her smile looks as if she is satisfied with her cook. And somehow her smile scared both Athrun and Shinn.

As soon as Cagalli left, both ace pilots looked at each other before taking a sip of Cagalli's curious soup. Of course, hunger is an enemy needed to be 'filled'. After 3 minutes, no traces of soup can be seen in each of the men's bowl.

5 minutes later, both of them rushes to the nearest toilet, with Athrun having to go to the next nearest toilet, after eating Cagalli's soup, consists of poisonous mushroom.

* * *

"Is she's trying to kill us?!" Shinn asked, after battling with nature in the stuffy toilet.

"No, I'm sure she didn't know which mushroom is a bad mushroom and which mushroom is a good one"

"I'm sure she's trying to kill us. Or me. Yeah. She hated me because I hated her first, that's why she's doing this. She's going to kill poor me!"

"No, she's not. I ate the soup too, remember. How can she kill me. I'm her fiancé!!" Athrun almost screams at Shinn, who is actually for the first time, accused Cagalli of the right thing.

"Is anything wrong?" Cagalli suddenly pops out from the kitchen at the sound of Athrun and Shinn raising their voice.

"NO! It's nothing! " Both answer in unison.

* * *

_Greek Salad_

At the look of the plate of salad, both men were afraid if it contains anything poisonous in it…

"Well, what's the matter, don't worry; there's nothing poisonous in it, I assured you"

At Cagalli's words, both Athrun and Shinn wondered if she had the ability to read minds. But as soon as she picks the fork and heads it towards her mouth, both men did the same. Until…

"Oh my, my meat!" At this, Cagalli puts her fork down, and went straight to the kitchen. However it was too late for the blue-eyed and the red-eyed – the salad is already in their mouths.

It seems harmless, the salad at first glance. But the taste of Mexican chilli is known only after you tasted it…

Fighting each other using mobile suits is hard, but fighting over the jug of iced water is worst, as Shinn tries to punch Athrun while Athrun dodges it and kicks Shinn at the leg. All this while murmuring 'Water, Water'…

* * *

"She hates me! And she tries to kill me using her cooking!" Shinn exclaimed. Both of them have survived Cagalli's very hot salad. Of course, after the poisonous mushroom, how many could they take anymore?

"No, she's not. Maybe she mistakenly put the chilli in the salad" Athrun tries his best to defend Cagalli, although he too is losing confidence in this 'plan to make them better"…

Before Shinn could say more, Cagalli came out bringing the steaks from the kitchen.

"Here we are. My speciality; steak!" Sweat starts to form from both ZAFT aces after seeing Cagalli.

* * *

_Black Pepper Steak with Potatoes _

As soon as the steaks are placed in front of them, Athrun prays that he will survive the dinner and also Shinn's wrath after this. He'd also made a mental note not to let Cagalli enters the kitchen under any circumstances ever again.

Shinn also made his mental note; to never ever accepted either Attha or Zala invitations to any function involving food.

Cagalli began chewing her meat when she realizes that neither Athrun nor Shinn eat theirs. Giving them a fierce glance, both Athrun and Shinn started cutting their meat into small pieces before putting their respective meat into their mouths…

"Oh, right, I forgot about the wine. Wait here, guys…" Cagalli suddenly stands and runs towards the wine cellar. Both Athrun and Shinn stops chewing when she left.

"So, how's your beef?" Athrun asks.

"Hmm, it's raw"

"Great, mine's overcook. Wanna change plates?"

* * *

"I'm sorry that you have to leave early, otherwise you could have a taste of my brandy chocolate cake" Cagalli said to Shinn, after he politely 'declines' her offer of desert.

"Yeah, I had to go now. Thank you for the 'lovely' dinner, Cagalli-sama" Shinn said, at the same time thinking about her cake. _Perhaps it could put someone to drop dead with her terrible cooking and all. The cake must've been cooked with a bottle of brandy!_

"Why, thank you. No one has ever compliments me for my cooking, not even my brother or my fiancé…" Cagalli said, all this time while glancing at a panic-faced Athrun.

After seeing Shinn off, Athrun also declines the desert, and gets ready for bed with the excuse of not feeling well. As Cagalli went to eat her cake, which is truly made with perfection, she smirked all the way…

_Payback's a bitch, Shinn. We're now even in a way…_

Author's note – I AM SO SORRY! The thing is, I've been so busy during the last couple of months because of my university demand and all. Plus I had the usual writer's block which makes things even messed up.

Sorry, this story seems suck. Coming back later after more inspiration came. Any ideas would be perfect though… (PS - Athrun is truly a victim here...)

And thanks to those who've reviewed me. I know, I haven't thanked you enough. The reviews given by you guys do really make me happy for doing this fanfiction thingy. I'll tried my best to make it up to you. Thank you again!


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